Are You A Lazy, Worthless Heap Of Piping Hot Crap? If So, Science Has Some Terrific News For You.


With the exception of a few people — e.g. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and pretty much no one else — we all have moments where we want to do nothing. Like, absolutely nothing. We want to push the boundaries of laziness. Bury ourselves into the couch, and just exist for a few hours or days. If we could have assisted breathing, we would.

Some of us have these moments more than others. Some of us (not me, I’m hella motivated, just chugging all that life has to offer #sarcasm) have these moments all the time. And society and your families judge you for it.

That hurts, because when you have those days, you feel like you can’t help it. Look at the man in the photo above. You think that poor guy can help that he can’t even muster the energy to jerk off to the porn he’s definitely watching on that computer? I bet not. Dude is just doing what comes natural to him. And that is nothing.

In a stunning turn of events, science is now saying that your desire to do the bare minimum is perfectly natural. Humans are apparently wired to be lazy pieces of shit. Not as lazy as the guy in the photo, though, he’s pathetic.

According to Mic:

Researchers from Simon Fraser University in Canada had people walk on treadmills while wearing robotic exoskeletons that would require them to exert more effort if they walked in their typical style. As it turned out, subjects were quick to adjust their walking style to a way that required less energy — indicating that our natural impulse when faced with an obstacle is to just try as little as possible.

“We found that people readily change the way they walk — including characteristics of their gait that have been established with millions of steps over the course of their lifetime — to save quite small amounts of energy,” said Max Donelan, an author of the study.

“This is completely consistent with the sense that most of us have that we prefer to do things in the least effortful way, like when we choose the shortest walking path, or choose to sit rather than stand.”

Lead author Jessica Dellinger says humans should be proud that we’re wired to expend as little energy as humanly possible. “Sensing and optimizing energy use that quickly and accurately is an impressive feat on the part of the nervous system,” she told Science Daily. “You have to be smart to be that lazy!”

DID YOU READ THAT?!?! You have to be smart to be lazy. Quick, someone go and tell that to The Rock. I bet he’s going to feel like such a stupid ass when he finds this out. While we’re here, sensing and optimizing energy use, he’s in the gym at 5am busting his ass and failing at life. Just completely failing. Man, he’s going to be so steamed when he finds this out.

[H/T Mic]