Best Presidential Candidate Of 2016 Announces That, If Elected, He’ll Drink A Lot In Office

by 4 years ago

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Lindsey Graham is a Republican Senator from South Carolina and, while he is running for president, is generally considered a non-entity when it comes to the Republican primary. He’s polling at less than one percent of one percent in both Iowa and nationwide (approximately).

Even his family doesn’t want him elected. He’s a war-mongering, male distillation of a Southern debutante ball, threatening to drone to death pretty much any Muslim, and is in no way qualified to lead this country, unless you want an America that actively nukes the Middle East on a daily basis.

But he does have a unique campaign promise that he just busted out while stumping in Iowa. Vote for Lindsey Graham. He’ll get drunk in office like a good president should.



Graham is referring to Tip O’Neill, the Democratic Speaker of the House when Reagan was in office, referencing, obviously, the animosity both Mitch McConnell and John Boehner have for President Obama (and vice versa), that’s led the legislative branch to be so ineffectual over the past six years.

Which, sure, a lot of shit can be hashed out over a beer, but I don’t think I want a president who’s actively announcing his intention to booze it up in office.

Coming from me, that should mean a lot. Don’t vote for Lindsey Graham, Bros.

TAGSbrolection 2016Drinking