With the divorce rate so high in North America I consider myself lucky that my parents have been together for my entire life. Being naive I also thought that having lived in the same house as my mom and sister would mean I would quickly be able to transition into living with other members of the opposite sex. I was wrong. I was so fucking unbelievably wrong. Living with girls is like a riding a roller coaster, blindfolded without a seatbelt; it’s absolutely terrifying and you feel like at any moment you could be killed…but it’s also incredibly rewarding. This year I live with another dude named Devan, two girls who shall remain nameless and a dog named California (hit me up for the sitcom rights) and the things I have learned are incredible. I feel like a sociologist living with a different species in the South American jungle.
1. What’s yours is theirs but what’s theirs is not yours.
This applies to food, bathroom supplies, and clothing. My Bro and I leave for the weekend and return home to find someone has eaten all of my Sweet Chilli Heat Doritos. It’s not the end of the world but annoying nonetheless. The same goes for my closet. Should I be missing my favorite XL hoodie on the most hungover day of the year I am going to be upset. Having said that, God forbid I dare use her shampoo on the one day between when I run out and can’t manage to go to the store to buy more.
2. Girls are very easily startled.
This does not equate to women being scared more than men, it just means that you need to announce your presence more often. For example, last week I waited until I was two about feet away from one of my roommates in the kitchen to say good morning and ended up getting hit in the chest with the dull side of a steak knife covered in peanut butter. Do you realize how poorly that could have gone? Evidently, now I announce every time I’m coming around a corner.
3. Girls talk on the phone, a lot.
I always kind of laughed as a kid when the girls on TV would talk on the phone to their friends. They pace around the room yelling and waving their hands and to be honest it seemed like they didn’t really talk about anything important that couldn’t wait until they see each other the next day. Well, I will laugh at your ditzy female teens no more Nickelodeon, because this happens three times a day in my house. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the middle of a conversation, watching a movie or editing her essay for her; if she gets a phone call she is going to answer it and she is going to talk on the phone for at least 35 minutes. It could be her sister, best friend, or someone she sat beside once in PSYC1000. If they are on the other end of that phone call, they are more important than you.
4. The bar is not the place to hangout with your female roommate.
It’s the place to meet her friends. If you are innocent enough to believe you can go to the bar alone with your female roommate you are in for a rude awakening. She is going to dip on you faster than that girl did when you threw up in the club last weekend. Either that or she’s actually going to hangout with you and crush all your chances of getting lucky. Best case scenario she meets her friends at the bar and introduces you to them. I will gladly sacrifice all of my Sweet Chilli Heat Doritos for this to happen even just 40% of the time. There’s literally nothing better than having an “in” like this since no one likes approaching a circle of hot strangers with no game plan. +4 Points for female roommates everywhere.
5. Everyone needs space
If she decides to go to her room and lock the door at 7pm it’s because she doesn’t want to deal with your shit right now so leave her alone. If you respect her space she will do likewise and let you play Destiny in peace.
6. If she takes an interest in your shit, be nice.
Just because she asks stupid questions (e.g. “When does Catwoman come in?” after watching 80 minutes of Batman Begins) does not mean she is stupid. She is making a genuine effort to do roommate bonding things with you, so the least you can do is help her out. If she doesn’t understand why Paul Walker is M.I.A. in Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift simply explain that it’s set after F&F6.
TIP: Also (I think this still fits into this category), because girls respond with “It’s fine” when it is actually not fine you cannot ever respond to anything using the word “fine”. Honestly you should just remove it from your vocabulary to avoid confusion.
Overall there are a ton of pros and cons to living with girls as roommates, way too many to make any kind of rational chart quickly to go with this article at least. But I am thankful to have had this experience and I wouldn’t change it if I could. There’s a new lesson every day so thank you to my two female roommates for teaching me wisdom and hopefully impeding my natural ability to screw up my serious relationships of the future.
[Image via Shutterstock]