Look How Big This Rodent’s Dick Is Only If You Want To Feel Self-Conscious About The Size Of Yours

That’s a dick, right? My Rodent Dick game is suspect at best, but I’m almost positive that small animal’s penis is twice the size of mine. I woke up this morning pretty confident that my penis was bigger than every rodent, not most rodents, every rodent. And I could sleep easy under that assumption. But now, now it’s going to tough to live in a world where there’s a possibility of this little fucker sneaking into my place while I’m gone and giving my girlfriend the business. Seeing this prick and that forearm between his leg on top of my girl, smoking a cigarette, flipping me the double birds is a visual I hope never enters my head again.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.