That Loser Dude Dating Taylor Swift Is Actually Not Dating Taylor Swift, Is Still A Loser

Last month, we brought you the news that Taylor Swift was dating a loser. His name is Matt Healy, frontman of the band the 1975, which is a loser band with loser songs.

Look at this loser, with his unbuttoned, purple, vellum-thin shirt. Only a loser would wear that to try and prove how cool he is. Ain’t working, loser.

Well, it turns out the Matt Healy, loser, is even more of a loser than we thought. Because in addition to being himself, which is about as loser a person as the world has ever churned out, he isn’t even dating Taylor Swift. They’re just friends, which is the loser way of saying, “I’m a loser, I couldn’t even date Taylor Swift.”

Here’s what he had to say to some loser radio station in his loser continent of Australia. “It’s a farce,” he said, which is a loser word.

We met each other, we exchanged numbers in the same way that a lot of people in this kind of world do, and we spoke occasionally. She’s the biggest pop star in the world and I’m in Australia. There’s no relationship or anything happening. It’s just funny how people really, really buy into that.

Yea, it is. Who could have bought into the fact that a loser like you would be dating Taylor Swift? That is my fault. I owe you an apology, loser.