Let’s not lie to ourselves here: if you had the option of sitting around your house all day casually busting a nut every now and then, you’d probably do it. I sure as fuck would. Re-runs of Chopped + food + random orgasms = a solid Monday night.
Now imagine that those orgasms you’re getting are every second of every day, unrelenting and non-stop. If you’re sitting there thinking “so what?”, imagine being somewhere public like Wal-Mart and jizzing your pants while perusing through the bargain DVD bins. While I’m sure there’s people who go to Wal-Mart for the specific purpose of masturbating in public without anyone giving a shit because, y’know, Wal-Mart, the other 80% of the population probably wouldn’t be too happy about having to walk around with semen-filled shorts.
One such person is 37 year-old Dale Decker.
For the last two years, Dale Decker has suffered 100 orgasms a day – but has not enjoyed one.
The 37-year-old is the first man to speak out about suffering persistent genital arousal syndrome.
He developed the condition in September 2012 after slipping a disc in his back while getting out of a chair.
While he was en route to the hospital, he suffered five orgasms.
Since that moment he has been plagued by the condition, he describes as ‘disgusting and horrendous’.
According to Wikipedia, aka the ultimate bastion of encyclopedic accuracy, persistent genital arousal disorder (PGAD) results in spontaneous, persistent and uncontrollable arousal with or without getting a boner, regardless of any feelings of sexual desire. To put how fucking annoying that would be into perspective, I’ll let Dave tell you the most warped story I’ve heard all day:
He said: ‘Imagine being on your knees at your father’s funeral beside his casket – saying goodbye to him and then you have nine orgasms right there.
‘While your whole family is standing behind you. It makes you never want to have another orgasm for as long as you live.
‘There’s nothing pleasurable about it because even though it might feel physically good – you’re completely disgusted by what’s going on.’He added: ‘If you’re in public, if you’re in front of kids – it’s disgusting and it can break you real fast.
It happened to me at the grocery store and when it was over there were around 150 people looking straight at me – why would I leave the house when something like this can happen.’
Dave’s family life is strained as well, since he can’t hold a job which means the stress all falls onto his wife to take care of their two sons, who are too young to understand why Dad can’t throw a football with them in the yard without squirming around and popping a woody. As of right now there is unfortunately no cure for PGAD, although there are support groups…except they sort of look like scams. The first one that popped up in Google search costs $25 a year, for which you get your own “online journal” and a private chat feature so you can talk to other people with PGAD…except that’s not available since it’s being “redone.” So really, you’re paying for a Myspace page and a bunch of information about your disorder that’s also free on WebMD.
Be happy you’re not Dave.
[H/T Daily Mail, image via Shutterstock]