Man Arrested For Burglary Passes Out On Front Lawn With A Pocket Full Of Stolen Bacon–Good Try, Good Effort

If you’re going to break into someones house and steal their shit, you’re a scumbag dickface who I’m disgusted to share the human race with. But if you’re going to break into someone’s house, steal their shit, and then be too much of a piece of shit to actually finish the job, you should have been left in a basket at Charles Manson’s doorstep at birth. You’re literally too lazy and pathetic to be a dickface, and I hate you for that. I’m talking to you, Justin Morris from Lincoln, Nebraska.

According to Omaha, Nebraska’s KETV:

A man arrested on suspicion of burglary over the weekend is accused of only taking two items from a Lincoln home.

Police said Justin Morris, 29, was found passed out on the front lawn of a home on the 1600 block of Euclid around 5:30 a.m. Saturday. Next to him, police said, was a 42-inch flat-screen TV; a package of bacon was found in his pocket.

About 12 hours later and two blocks from where Morris was found, a woman reported a burglary at her apartment. The only two items taken were a TV and a pound of Farmland thick-cut bacon.

Police said Morris was arrested at his home in connection with the burglary and taken to the Lancaster County Jail.

Burglary 101: Never celebrate before the finish line.


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.