How The McDonald’s App Will Change Your Life
Okay, the headline is a bit of an overstatement. And no, this is not a #sponsored post. I just wanted to share the sheer joy that comes with having a McDonald’s app, because nothing is sacred anymore, especially on the Internet.
But trust me on this one, you should download this somewhat embarrassing icon for your home screen to make your life mildly, incrementally better. I get more excited about notifications from McDonald’s than any of my dating apps, because fries can’t lecture you on why Marco Rubio is the best candidate.
You get a free order of medium fries every time the Nets win
Do I care about basketball? No. Do I care about the Nets? Hell no. However whenever I see the push notification that I got a free order of medium fries with no purchase necessary — a little part of me I didn’t know I had is grateful for sportsball. I’m assuming the deals are geotargeted, so every time your region’s associated league wins something you can share in their fleeting glory.
You Can See The Menu On Your Phone
Scene: 3 in the morning at the Golden Arches, squinting at the menu board with blurry drunk vision while making groping gestures at the beloved delicacy of your choice. Make your situation slightly less embarrassing by scrolling through the menu on your phone and drunkenly slur your order without even having to make bleary eye contact.
Hello Clear Calorie Counts
If you’re like me and solely counting on your body to help you escape Darwinism (literally the survival of the fittest when you have my personality), you need to at least be aware of how much terrible stuff you’re putting in your body. By knowing just how many calories are in that unsatisfying cheeseburger, you’re more likely to opt for McNuggets or one of those “healthy” wraps masquerading as real food.
The McDonald’s Locater
Again, another lifesaver when you’re impaired. Late, late night starving and not in the mood for street meat or other illicitly open food haunts? Check your handy app and it’ll immediately find your closest land of bottled milk and pre-packaged honey.
The Weekly Specials
Every week the app gives you new items at a discount. For example — this week is buy one McFlurry, get one free along with the same deal on Egg McMuffins and assorted other items I will probably never eat. HOWEVER, once I was super hungover in Tribeca and desperately needed coffee. I attempted to use my coffee scorecard and the attendants were so confused they just gave it to me for free. Frustrating employees to the point where they just give it to you is always a huge win in my book.
And you can’t do it without the app.