Every man, no matter how much they bench press, has a deep dark romantic comedy guilty pleasure. I’m not talking about an Oscar-y movie like Silver Linings Playbook or that romantic subplot in Mr. Deeds, I’m talking something your girlfriend made you watch that you couldn’t help but connect with.
Here’s the secret: only true men own up and admit to it. For example, try as I might, I can’t help but maintain an obsession with Nancy Myers’ The Holiday. It all started when, on three different occasions by three different hot sorority sisters, each girl said I reminded them of Arthur Abbot from said film. I watched it and found out three very interesting things:
1. Arthur Abbot wasn’t a super suave leading man they wanted to bang, but was a crotchety 90-year-old screenwriter played by the late Eli Wallach (the villain in “The Good, The Bad and the Ugly” and all your other favorite westerns).
2. I was exactly like him, and loved that. Damn, those drunk sorority girls really can peg a guy.
3. I really enjoyed a romantic comedy featuring cheesy pick up lines, fancy home montages, little girls playing in an all-pink fort and something too adorable for words called Mr. Napkinhead.
Yes Bros, that damn Nancy Myers went so far on cute overload that I couldn’t help but respond. Here are the stages to owning up to and defending the fact that you liked a super girly rom com.
1. Don’t call it a romantic comedy, call it a Matthew McConaughey movie.
After the one-two punch of Dallas Buyers Club and True Detective, there isn’t a guy out there who doesn’t respect Matthew McConaughey. That means they all forgot that just four short years ago he was made fun of for being a total tool in every rom com known to man, some of which are super girly guilty pleasures. If you have to own up to watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days every once in a while, use the McConaughey defense. “But, dude, McConaughey is a champ in this movie. You can’t fault me. All right all right all right.”
2. I pick my poison so she doesn’t have to.
Liking one romantic comedy doesn’t mean you like them all. Some can be fun, others can star Katherine Heigl. If your girlfriend wants a movie night at home, you can consistently pick your favorite so she doesn’t have to unearth whatever fresh piece of hell Hollywood has churned out this year.
3. Who doesn’t want to end up with a girl like Cameron Diaz?
Substitute Diaz for Kate Hudson, Julia Roberts, Rachel McAdams or Amanda Seyfriend. What do you have? A list of hot women that makes your top five scores look like cheap prostitutes on a bad corner in Hollywood. If we’re looking at romantic comedies from a purely physical standpoint, they usually revolve around a specific, if not mythological, hot woman. It’s a woman with man problems. They drink too much, they say the most uncouth things, they stumble over things in actually funny ways and they’re generally tough. Who wouldn’t want to bring home Roberts’ hooker with a heart of gold and then wait around in the morning for her kick ass Prince cover? These aren’t just hot girls, they’re hot girls who, like Diaz in The Holiday, get two bottles of wine and drunkenly yell to The Killers. That’s a keeper.
4. I now understand women more and more have a leg up on all my uncultured bros.
There’s a reason there is a rom com out there called What Women Want. The key into any woman’s psyche is found in the words of Nancy Myers or Nora Ephron. You want a cheat sheet to how to please a woman, look no further than the actually good movies your girl watches on repeat like a manic two year old. Imagine how many more women you will get at the club if you walk up beside them and drop some Legally Blonde quotes on them. Bros can make fun of you all you want, you’ll be too busy inside Elle Woods’ pants back at your place.
5. Real men don’t have to prove themselves 24/7.
The most essential function of being a man is not caring about what other Bros say about you. It’s called confidence. Yes, your buddies will rag on you any chance they get. Guess what, you have your great girl, a great movie and, most of all, your confidence waiting for you. It takes real balls to defend a Kate Hudson movie. Masculinity isn’t concerned with what other people think. Being a true man and a stellar bro means not trying to conform to stereotype. These differences and inconsistencies are what make or break someone. You can either try and conform to groupthink, which makes you too pussy to believe in yourself, or you can flip haters the bird, walking away the man with the bigger dick at the end of the day, both metaphorically and probably literally.
So there you have it Bros, I remind girls of a ninety-year-old man and I just re-watched The Holiday last Wednesday and enjoyed all 138 minutes of it. At the end, I felt like a stronger Bro and an even stronger man. Laugh all you want, but real men admit to their rom com guilty pleasures.