Why Men Need To Stop Growing Beards Just To Prove Their Manliness

Recently, the Internet blew up over a “hot new trend” among men to basically dress like lumberjacks. And not, like, real lumberjacks such as those guys who cut down trees for a living or the men on the TV show Ax Men. No, this “hot new trend” has urban hipster douchebags running around dressed like Paul Bunyan. A cornerstone of the look, which is being called “Lumbersexual” (possibly the most asinine thing I have heard), is to have a big, bushy beard.

This is without a doubt an unwelcome evolution from the already over-done hipster beard craze. It seems every douchebag is growing a beard just to grow a beard, as if the act of having facial hair defines what it means to be a man.

Bros, here’s my take on beards: They exist. Some men have beards and some men don’t. Growing a beard does not in any way automatically grant you some magical gift of manly toughness. And just because a man is clean shaven doesn’t mean he’s any less of a man. Men need to stick together on this point. I do not know why this fetish “beard culture” developed, but it’s not doing real masculinity any good. I know some stone-cold badasses with beards. I know some hardcore warriors without beards.

Do not take this article as an attack on beards, per se. I’m not siding with the extreme-feminazis who claim that beards are over-masculine and help foster a misogynistic culture of woman-haters. I’m sure you’ve seen the Twitter post by Brandon Morse that’s been floating around the internet where some person got pissy and decried beards for “promoting traditional aspects of masculinity.” If only simply growing a beard could do that.

I firmly believe it is having the opposite effect. Seriously, when we start defining our manhood on facial hair rather than actually being a man by doing stand-up, manly things, our culture is doomed.

Brixie Brix, a freelance writer/editor who lives among real lumberjacks speaks quite eloquently on the subject:

“This hipsterjack trend needs TO DIE. I live way up here in New Hampshah, and this shit is simply out of control. We have real lumberjacks, and fucking “lumbersexuals” sitting side by side at the bar and it makes me want to shoot myself in the vagina.”

The American Man is still out there, but he needs to step up his game and get busy promoting real manliness, not the faux-masculine based on “a look.” Thank God for beardless Mike Rowe. A real man (another one without a beard), once said this:

“Our Country won’t go on forever, if we stay soft as we are now. There won’t be any AMERICA because some foreign soldiery will invade us and take our women and breed a hardier race!” – Lt. Gen. Lewis B. “Chesty” Puller, USMC

Bros, grow a beard. Or don’t. But either way, don’t define yourself with “a look,” especially one with the suffix “-sexual.”

Just go out and be a fucking man, will ya?


Bearded man pic via Shutterstock