Introducing ‘Netflix And Chill,’ The New Code For ‘Come Over And Watch a Movie,’ (Which Was Code For… You Know)
The mating game is a dizzying dance of deception, cunning, willpower, and luck. For years, men have tried to swindle, trick, and bamboozle girls to hang out with them in a variety of different ways (some obviously more successful than others). Funny enough, getting a girl to actually “like” you wasn’t even the hardest part – sealing the deal was the final piece convoluted of the puzzle.
In kindergarten, I used these:
FYI: “Sealing the deal” in kindergarten meant random and awkward hand-holding/her allowing me to put up her chair at the end of the day. Kind of trash when you think about it.
In high school, I used this:
Pulled up to the scene with a pine cone scented air-freshener, $22 in pocket for a trip to Applebees, and unreasonable hopes for a handjob. And cargo shorts. Can’t forget cargo shorts.
In college, I used this:
Alex “Hitch” Hitchens is probably the most important man in my life that isn’t my father. I really owe so many failed relationships to that man. Never forget – you go 90, she comes 10. (Also included on this list: The Notebook, 40 Year Old Virgin, Old School, and The Ring.)
The point is, we haven’t really seen much evolution from, “want to come over and watch a movie?” as the veiled method of eventually having sex with a girl. Not until now, that is. Enter: “Netflix and Chill.” The bigger, stronger, faster, and more potent version of sticking DVDs into a soulless machine and hoping that the disc doesn’t have any scratches on it. Nothing will dry the well up faster than a skipping 20th Century Fox intro. Trust me.
With Netflix, we have the added ability of scrolling mindlessly to find a “movie” that you both want to “watch.” Or perhaps it’s a TV show that you both haven’t seen. She did hear that “Blackfish” was supposed to be…and it’s too late. You’re both naked, sweaty, and debating ordering Chinese food. Fuck it, you might even be in love. And you have nothing but the Netflix home screen to thank for all of it.
Like with all schemes and plans, this has a chance to go wrong. And of course, by go wrong, I mean, she actually wants to watch something on Netflix. In the event that happens, I literally have no idea what to do. There is truly no advice to provide. Basically you have to either watch Netflix until she decides to leave, and thus become a hostage in your own domicile, or you can realize all options have been exhausted and pull out the ultimate trump card:
(Disclaimer: this probably won’t work, but shoot your shot, homie)
It’s crazy that we are 10 years away from the go-to response to children’s “Where do babies come from?” question being “Well, when mommies and daddies like each other a lot, daddy sends out a ‘Netflix and Chill?’ text and the rest is history”
*Obviously all of this is trumped by “I have a shitload of money, want to come over and see all of my cool, expensive things,” but not all of us got it like that. Ya dig?