A Statistics Professor Claims That ‘Netflix And Chill’ Is A Lie And Says None Of You Are Having Sex

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The sex-havin’ rate is plummeting, folks. Kids these days just aren’t pluggin’ away like they used to. They’re too wrapped up in binge-watching TV, taking pictures of themselves and finger fucking their iPhone screen to go out and get laid.

Or at least that is what one statistics professor at Cambridge University is claiming. You see, according to statistician David Spiegelhalter, the set rate is dropping so dramatically, that in less than 15 years, most people might just forgo having sex altogether. Who’s to blame for this disgusting trend? He’s pointing his self-righteous finger at Netflix. Claiming that people aren’t Netflix and Chilling at all. They’re just Netflixing and then probably going to bed without having sex or even a light fingerblast/beej sesh.

Via Independent this is what he told an audience at the Hay Festival:

People are having less sex. Sexually active couples between 16 and 64 were asked and the median was five times in the last month in 1990, then four times in 2000 and three times in 2010.

At this rate by 2030 couples are not going to be having any sex at all.

I think it’s the box set, Netflix. ‘OMG I’ve got to watch the entire second series of Game of Thrones.’

No matter what the reason for this decline, I am BAFFLED as to how there can be a decline in the first place. How can single people not be having sex all over the place? You have like 1000 hook-up apps for Christ’s sake. There should be so much sex going on that the rate should be double that of 1990. You people make me fucking sick. Of course, I’m saying all of that while knowing full well that I watched the entirety of Bloodline season two this weekend, only adding to the problem. But I’m allowed to do that. I’m married. I did my oat sowing. I paid my sex dues. It’s up to the single people out there to boost the sex rate so us married guys don’t have to pull our weight. It’s a right of passage.

But…in the event you think the joy of watching Netflix far surpasses the euphoria of an orgasm, here are Netflix series you should definitely binge-watch this year.


[H/T Independent]

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