The hardest I’ve ever laughed at a graphic tee was back in 2004, when witty graphic tees were still a novelty. It said “Jersey girls aren’t trash — even trash gets picked up.” I have zero beef with girls from New Jersey — I actually think they’re tend to be pretty chill — but the stereotype of Jersey as a trash heap filled with Meadow Sopranos makes me chuckle.
Last night 34-year-old New York fashion designer Tonnie Schaus was arrested for a DWI after being spotted driving the wrong way in Holland Tunnel traffic. Her reason why? She didn’t “want to go to Jersey,” duh. Who ever does!
Turns out this chick likes to party!
When the officer cut off Schaus’s car on Dominick, “forcing” her to stop, he observed that her face was “flushed,” her speech blurred, and her eyes “watery and bloodshot.” According to his report, Schaus then explained that she “didn’t want to go to New Jersey,” hence the driving against traffic.
Police say Schaus proceeded to fail three sobriety tests. Officers also recovered two clear plastic vials of what “appeared” to be cocaine on her person. (“I didn’t do that yet,” she allegedly stated.) Schaus then allegedly resisted arrest, “cursing and screaming.” When Perlow exited the car, officers found another vial of cocaine on his seat, which he had been sitting on.
My favorite part of the police report is her telling an officer “I didn’t do that yet” over her friend’s blow.
Enjoy your stay at the Tombs. When you get out, may I recommend a stroll on Mulberry Street since it’s San Gennaro? Get the best sausage and peppers you’ve ever had in your life.