NIGHTMARE: Horse Bites Off Penis Of 6-Year-Old Boy

When an animal attacks a human in the United States, that usually seals it’s fate to be euthanized, even if it’s a pet. However in the Ukraine, you could gnaw off the penis of a small boy and the animal is welcome to stay at the family’s house AND continue to “play” with the lad.

We take you to the Zhytomyr Oblast region of northern Ukraine, where there are reports that a pet horse attacked a 6-year-old boy. The child was riding past the horse on his bike when the animal knocked him to the ground. Then chomped off the boy’s private parts.

You know this asshole horse was just envious of the bicycle, and how it marginalized the horse as a mode of transportation. That horse saw a boy having a fun and cheeky joyride on that two-wheeled contraption and it sent the horse into a jealous fit of rage. I hope for everyone’s sake that they never drive by that horse in a car. Oh the horrible attack that will transpire.

The shocked father explained how he found out about the tragic happenings, “I was dealing with the horses when I heard my boy screaming, ‘she bit it off, she bit it off!’ Just a statement that you don’t ever want to hear in any situation. “I put my hands onto his crotch to stop the bleeding and called emergency services.”

Thankfully the father found the marred penis.

“We have had difficult cases in the last few years but we never experienced something like this,” Doctor Igor Vishpinsky said. “Maybe a severed finger or something like that from a horse bite, but definitely nothing like this. It was an extraordinary situation.” Jeez doc, maybe not use such happy verbiage as “extraordinary.”

The boy is recovering from his horrific injuries, but the odd part of this dreadful story is that he is still friends with his pet horse. Sorry motherfucker, you bite off even a strand of my hair, and it’s too the glue factory to you. Maybe I’ll see you again when I eat Jello.

As my nana Agnes used to always say, “Never look a gift horse in the mouth while riding your bicycle.” Sad that it still rings true today.