Meet The Man Busted For Drug Possession While Wearing A Shirt That Says, ‘No, Seriously, I Have Drugs’

Pasco County Sheriff’s Office

I love it when the stars align like this. Almost makes be believe that somewhere in the universe a god with a plan exists.

Pictured above, and doing a Jay Leno chin impersonation for the ages, is 50-year-old John Balmer of Florida (because where the fuck else would this son of a bitch hail from?). That photo was taken outside of a KMart just as Balmer was being arrested for drug possession while wearing the most appropriate shirt for the occasion.

According to Tampa Bay Times:

John Balmer is accused of possessing drugs, but you can’t call him a liar.

In a photo taken at the time of his arrest, Balmer, of Spring Hill, is seen scowling in front of a stuffed animal claw game outside the store.

According to an arrest report, he was in line at Kmart when a deputy walked in. Balmer saw the deputy and tried to hand a “bag of green leafy substance” to the person behind him, according to officers. That person declined to take the bag.

Balmer then allegedly walked to the cash register, put the baggy on the ground and paid for his items. Another deputy approached. Store workers told him about the baggy.

Deputies discovered it held marijuana and methamphetamine.

Balmer may be a poorly dressed idiot, but at least he’s an honest idiot. And I bet that means a lot to the other people living in whatever hole he crawled out of.

[H/T Tampa Bay Times]