WOAH: North Carolina Hunter Bags 500-Pound Wild Hog

Look at that hog! That’s a real hog!

A years-long hog-hunt came to an end at the White Oak Ranch Hunting Club last month when a hunter named Jett Webb (which is a great name for a hunter) shot and killed a 500-pound wild boar with a .308 caliber rifle. The hog had been a prized specimen after it was first spotted on a trail camera years ago.

The boar which I am calling “Babe on East German Steroids” is eight-feet long and looks even more surreal when posed with Webb.

“It was a shock,” recalled Webb. “It was very humbling to say the least, when you walk up on a beast that big and you say, ‘Oh my gosh. I had no idea that there could be something that big running around the woods of Eastern North Carolina.’” He added: “The Mohawk down the back, the tusks really lean, the muscular big front end. This is far from a domesticated docile pig that we’re used to.”

And take this, PETA: Webb intends to harvest all the meat from the hog, and he’s already filled two coolers to the brim with sausage, pork chops, and tenderloin. “We’re not going to waste anything,” he told WNCT 9. “So that pig will provide food for me and my family for a good year.”

Day 248, the Webb household: “Dad, I can’t do this anymore. Can we get McDonalds?” “Son, you don’t understand… I’VE GOT SAUSAGES COMIN’ OUT MY ASS.”

/the family weeps, together