50 U.S. States Ranked By Penis Size

You know, WHICH STATE GOT THE BIGGEST DICK, SON? Who do you think it is? Motherfuckers, it is North Dakota. North Dakotans use the most Magnums. Or at least… own the most Magnums. Who cares if they use them. 

This has baffled media types. “How can North Dakota top that list when… “

/trails off for fear of making a racially-charged statement relating to skin color, dick size and population distribution in America

Well, fear not. It has nothing to do with dick size. North Dakotans buy the most Magnum condoms so they have something to put on their forearms when they milk the prostates of the obscene number of horses and bulls in that state. They also probably put a condom on the animal's dick to catch the semen. To use for later. That's two Magnums every time.  

At least that's my theory. It definitely explains why the District of Columbia is fourth. I grew up there. TONS of horse farms in that city. 

Here's the full list. And no, Georgia is not on there, for reasons unbeknownst. 

1. North Dakota
2. Rhode Island
3. South Dakota
4. District of Columbia
5. Massachusetts
6. Ohio
7. Arizona
8. Alabama
9. New York
10. South Carolina
11. Colorado
12. Maryland
13. Wisconsin
14. New Jersey
15. California
16. Florida
17. Connecticut
18. Virginia
19. Oregon
20. Pennsylvania
21. Washington
22. Tennessee
23. New Mexico
24. Iowa
25. Illinois
26. Louisiana
27. Vermont
28. Utah
29. Maine
30. Nebraska
31. Idaho
32. Kansas
33. Delaware
34. Michigan
35. Nevada
36. New Hampshire
37. Oklahoma
38. Montana
39. Minnesota
40. Kentucky
41. Texas
42. Indiana
43. West Virginia
44. Missouri
45. Alaska
46. North Carolina
47. Wyoming
48. Arkansas
49. Hawaii
50. Mississippi

[Condoms image via Shutterstock]