Baseball season is upon us, which means it’s time to throw those winter beanies in a drawer from next year and represent your ball team with a lid.
Every dude has a bullpen of baseball hats that they live in — They wear them to the bar with buddies, to mow the grass in, to casually run errands around town on the weekends. Hats are one of the great staples of Bro life. But like all staples of Bro life, there’s a time and a place for everything.
We can’t contain our excitement for baseball season either, but there are certain situation that hats are frowned upon. Since when do we do what people want us to do? Here are five situations where you really shouldn’t wear a hat on Opening Day — and how to pull it off like a bro.
Why It’s Wrong: There are always a lot of “what ifs–” that go into a first date. What if you hate her from the get go? What if she drops some lame baggage about not being over her boyfriend? What if she’s a vegan and judges you for ordering the sliders? The first date involves a ton of pressure, especially when factoring in that she wanted to meet up for drinks ON OPENING DAY!
How To Pull It Off: Guys are supposed to plan the first date. If you can’t swing tickets to Opening Day, maybe plan a date at a sports bar or somewhere that’s a) showing the game and b) where wearing a hat would make sense. If she’s not a sports fan, well, you’ve just saved yourself some time and money now haven’t you?
Why It’s Wrong: We all aspire for a professional life like that of Peter Gibbons from Office Space, telling HR to suck it while collecting a paycheck by doing whatever you please. But unless you’re a business, man, like Jay-Z, that’s just not the real world. In certain professions, a suit and tie is still the “go to” attire for a job interview. Those jobs probably suck, but still, can’t rock the boat on day 1.
How To Pull It Off: Whether you’re applying to dig ditches or run a Fortune 500 company, every job interview involves that one question about your “strengths.” What is your biggest strength? “My biggest strength,” you’ll reply, “is passion. Take this hat on my head, for example. Wearing a hat to a job interview isn’t the best idea but I’ve got such a passion for my team, SUCH A PASSION, I’m willing to take the risk. I bring that same passion to my work.” You’re going to like it in the corner office.
Why It’s Wrong: Technically, it’s proper to take your hat off indoors, but the world is a little more relaxed when it comes to rules of another time in history. There are, however, many institutions that still require a man take off his hat when under a roof. Some colleges and professors demand hats off in class, especially profs who’ve been teaching since the end of the second world war.
How To Pull It Off: If you’re heading to a class where caps aren’t allowed, you’ve got to play it strategically. Either show up early and explain to the professor you’re having some “scalp issues” that require covering or that you got a killer bad haircut, and even though you look like a tool, you didn’t want to miss his class. If you don’t think any of these will fly, show up super late for class and just walk in with your hat on. He’ll either be super pissed or just want you to sit down or ask you to leave. Or you could just skip every class because it’s Opening Day and a free country.
Meeting The Parents
Why It’s Wrong: First impressions are important when it comes to meeting your chick’s parents. They are literally judging you from the second they spot you tagged in a pic with their daughter on Facebook. She could love you to death, but if her parents hate you, there’s little you can do to recover. Especially because dad hates you and hasn’t even met you yet.
How To Pull It Off: If dad is a fan of a rival team, well, your screwed so just go in there and have fun! If dad loves the same team as you do, this will be cake. “You’re a Giants fan? I’m a Giants fan! Looking good this season, right?!?! Forget Sandoval! We’re still the defending champs!” He’ll be calling you son before dessert is served.
Why It’s Wrong: Death sucks. Loss sucks. Mourning sucks. Going to a funeral or viewing is called “paying your respects” for a reason. Every single cowboy in every single Western movie ever made takes their hat off as a sign of respect to a fallen friend. Heck, some even do it for their deposed enemies, just to show their heart is in the right place. Even if it’s your neighbor’s Great uncle who always blocked your driveway with his Winnebego when visiting, remember it’s all about respect.
How To Pull It Off: This is a littler easier to pull off if you and the deceased were fans of the same team. You could explain to all it’s a “show of respect to the dead and his/her devotion to the franchise.” If he’s a Sox fan and you’re sporting a Yankees hat, it’s a much tougher sell. Wear the hat everywhere but inside the funeral home. If you’re going to wear it inside the funeral home, at least take it off when going up to the casket. If you’re outside, for the burial, it’s fine to wear.