The thought of your significant other getting boned by someone other than you is an image that can only be likened to walking in on your dad doing your mom in that leapfrog position that everyone fast forwards through pornos. Porn directors really have to stop with that shit, hard pass on the wide open view of the dude’s hairy ass, thanks though.
Moving on, at the end of the day, cheaters are going to cheat and the reasons for them doing so are endless. Maybe there’s a dangerous lack of intimacy in their current relationship. Maybe that dude Chad she met at the gym isn’t really just helping her with squat tips. Maybe she’s sick of your micropenis. Jk, bro. I bet it’s cute.
Anyway, the fine people of Reddit have offered up their personal tell-tale signs that indicated their partner was dogging them. Check out some of the most intriguing responses below, or check out the entire thread here.
I got mailed a wedding invitation by his fiance of four years that I had thought was just a good friend of his.
That was not only a clear-cut sign he was cheating, but that I was the other woman and in second place.
Open bar? Let me know if you got a +1.
She had a different brand of rubber in her purse, we hadn’t used a condom in months. Fuck you Amanda.
Was it Magnum? That would be dreadful.
My dad wasn’t my partner, but I busted him for cheating on my mother when I suspected that him talking on the phone in the driveway for a half hour each night after she went to bed was not business-related. I don’t even know if I should have done that; the marriage ended.
Silver lining: double the Christmas gifts.
Every relationship I had that ended because I found out they were cheating had one common denominator:
They frequently accused me of cheating.
Like, all the time. I have never cheated.
For example, my last ex accused me of making plans to go cheat on them with an actor from tv. I didn’t even know the actor’s real name, I just thought the actor was cute. Cue huge fight. Find out later they’ve been cheating on me with “just a friend, don’t worry”. 5 years later the ridiculousness of it still strikes me from time to time.
She’s definitely fucking Nic Cage, bro.
Drip feeding — i.e. when something originally innocuous gradually turns out to be less and less so.
I was out with the girls… I was out with a mixed group… actually it was dave and his mates… actually it was just dave… actually we weren’t out, we were at his… nothing happened… okay we kissed… okay we slept together but it was just once… okay I’ve been fucking him for a year…
That escalated quickly.
- Being edgy or secretive about their phone calls
- Keeping their phone on silent
- sudden increase in grooming/new clothes (may be irrelevant for certain personalities)
- Being overly irritable with you for no reason
- lack of interest in sex with you
- a general feeling of becoming more distant
- being out of the house more often than normal
- going through a lot of money and not telling you where it’s going
- accusing you of cheating
- going outside for phone calls and hanging up if you follow
- being very over protective about who you hang out with
- finding them snooping through all your stuff
Relax, Sherlock Holmes.
When you text her and she says she’s at the mall with her friend Kelly, but Kelly is laying in bed next to you.
Two wrongs make a right.
Protip: Buy your girl a Samsung Galaxy.
[h/t Reddit]