Ladies, You Can Now Ease The Pain Of Period Cramps By Getting Your Vag Stoned With A Weed Tampon

by 4 years ago

Women have been cursed with menstrual cramps every month. The pain is supposed to be so agonizing that if feels like Satan twisting a dull knife in their uterus. Sounds atrocious, but the life expectancy for women is 79 years and 72 years for men, so I guess we all have our crosses to bear. Well now there is hope for females with horrible cramps… WEED TAMPONS!

Ladies, put down the chocolate, Midol and wine, and put in a marijuana poon plug! Introducing the Foria Relief, a vaginal suppository “intended to maximize the muscle relaxing and pain relieving properties of cannabis without inducing a psychotropic “high.” Each serving contains 60mg of THC and 10mg of CBD, “delivering the medicine directly to where it is needed most,” the cock socket. For $44 you get four individually wrapped vaginal suppositories, each about an inch long, that will send some THC TLC to a woman’s ovaries.

Sophie Saint-Thomas placed the pot period piece in her prison purse for a publication called Racked:

I put on some relaxing instrumental music and chilled out for the 20 minutes suggested in the Foria pamphlet, letting the cannabis do its work. Not only did my cramps ease up, but I felt good. Really good. There was no heady high, but I felt serene. It was like if Ativan made a baby with Tylenol, except I hadn’t thrust any nasty pharmaceuticals into my vag; just cannabis and cocoa butter.

The next day my period ravaged on and, having my own anecdotal results that the suppository wouldn’t totally fuck up my day, I tried it earlier on. Except this time, I skipped the meditation and mood music, tapping away at my keyboard, creating checklists and brainstorming pitches as the cannabis did its magic. My cramps lightened, but without the chilled out exterior vibes, I felt none of the same calm and light high that had mellowed me out the previous evening.

Hopefully this isn’t a gateway vaginal drug.

Writer Mish Way volunteered her vagina to be a guinea pig and shared her experiences using the Foria Relief Suppositories on Broadly:

When my cramps arrived a week later, I popped in a Relief and lay flat with a pillow elevating my butt, just as instructed. The strange thing about the original spray product, Foria Pleasure, is that using it in or on your vulva does not have the psychotropic effects that it does when ingested orally. (However, Gerson told me that some users, when they used Foria Pleasure for anal sex, did report feeling stoned.) The same is true for Foria Relief; I took the vaginal suppositories about an hour before an interview, confident that only my uterus would be high and happy.

Within 20 minutes, my cramps totally disappeared. Unlike recent “natural” products like “herbal detox pearls” (meant to “cleanse” your uterus), Foria consists of just three ingredients—cocoa butter, THC and CBD—all of which I have ingested for many years with no major problems. I was not surprised at how well the suppository worked. What I was surprised about was the longevity. Midol will wear off after about half a work day, and during most periods I’ll pop six a day. But one Foria suppository did its job well into my evening.

Way said that the instructions said to “lie on your back with a pillow under your butt and insert the suppository as far up as you can, so the cannabinoids can do their work on the nerve endings of the uterus, cervix, and muscle tissue.” Sounds a bit abrasive.

So there you have it, the weed tampon seems to yield promising results, plus I imagine that men will be far more inclined to earn their redwings if their lady friend has recently had a weed stick jammed up in their furburger.