Quick! Name something plaguing men of all ilk. One that crosses all races and creeds.
What comes to mind?
Poverty? Homelessness? War? The general human condition?
Nah. I mean, sure, those are issues, but in my humble-ass opinion, I would rank them 2, 3, 4 and 5 on the definitive list of concerns guys have.
Number One? Stank gynee. As in bad-smelling pussy.
Yea. The worst. I know we say lots of things in 2014 are the worst (the economy, Uber surge-pricing, being out of Fritos), but man, this is the worst.
Thankfully, though, two dudes have a solution. A probiotic pill designed to culture bacteria within women that will make their nether regions exude a smell best described as “peach.” From an Inc. profile of the–well, we will loosely describe them as gents.
At the DEMO conference in San Jose, California, on Wednesday afternoon, [Austen] Heinz and [Gilad] Gome outlined their shared vision and previewed plans for a new probiotic supplement that will enable women to change the way their vaginas smell.
For too long has the demographic of men who refuse to perform oral sex because they aren’t satisfied with normal human scents been ignored. Natch, no more, Heinz and Gome say. No longer shall Petey Pablo spaketh the words, “Nah bitch, cause ain’t drunk enough to do that.”
Instead, he will crave vagina, for it shall smell like succulent fruit. The kind Eve ate.
Called Sweet Peach, it will be made using Cambrian Genomics’ DNA printing technology and financed through a campaign on the crowdfunding platform Tilt.
“The idea is personal empowerment,” he said. “All your smells are not human. They’re produced by the creatures that live on you.”
“We think it’s a fundamental human right to not only know your code and the code of the things that live on you but also to rewrite that code and personalize it,” Gome chimed in.
I don’t think it’s “fundamentally human” to take pills developed in the early 21st century to alter the scent of your vagina. In fact, I’d say that’s fundamentally not human. Not doing it would be the “fundamentally human” act.
But whatever. What do I know? I’m not a woman. Come to think of it, neither are Heinz and Gome. So why are these two dudes so focused on women’s smells? Not because of any weird sexuality thing. NAH BRAH. Just because it is an apparently easy thing to do (which is like the opposite of JFK, but whatever).
He also offered a little insight into why two men had seized on feminine odor as the target of their entrepreneurial energies. “It’s a better idea than trying to hack the gut microbiome because it’s less complicated and more stable,” he said. “It has only one interference per month.”
“We do things not because they are hard, but because they are easy, and because I don’t want no foul tang.”
– America’s 35th president and notorious poon hunter, John Fitzgerald Kennedy.