All us dudes like sex. That’s what makes us dudes. Men, men men. Fucking. Fucking’s the shit.
But none of would fuck so much we would die, right?
Well, maybe some fiends. But honestly, probably not. We, as humans, are pretty good at not fucking ourselves to death.
A dolphin in Europe, though? Not so much.
Experts have stated a dead porpoise found in a pool of blood in an alleyway probably died as a result of doing too much mating.
The mammal’s body was discovered by puzzled residents in Pilgrims Walk, Worthing, on Saturday, November 1.
Why was it in an alleyway? Experts–experts–best guess is alcohol.
Mr Deaville said it was impossible to tell where along the beach it was washed up – but he “strongly suspected” whoever decided to carry it from the beach into the town had been drinking alcohol.
Apparently this is a THING.
He added: “Sadly, it’s not the first time this has happened, and it won’t be the last.
“We got a call once about a dolphin that was stuffed inside a phone box in Kent.”
The British are weird. An autopsy was performed, and it was determined the dolphin did it. Too much.
Rob Deaville, from the Cetacean Strandings Investigation Programme (CSIP), carried out an autopsy on the porpoise and revealed it was likely to have died from starvation after using too much energy mating.
Damn, motherfucker. I’d say ‘Up top,’ but you are dead and also don’t have hands.