The Rio Olympics Are On Track To Be The Most Broken And Dangerous Olympics Yet – Here’s How We Got To This Point

Sewage and bacteria in the water? No problem, just wear a hazmat suit. Political corruption and murder? Bitch you an athlete, as long as no one’s murdering you and you’re not running for office you’re fiiine. Zika? Okay that one sort of blows…but only if you’re trying to get pregnant, and babies are for suckers so anyone worth their salt won’t find the threat of severely handicapped children a problem.

Then again, if anything WERE to go wrong the police have already come out to say they can’t help you…ehhh on second thought, maybe it’s best to skip Rio this year.