Russia Is Set To Test A Nuclear Missile So Powerful It Could Destroy All Of Texas, Is Called Satan 2

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You know who’s hardcore? Satan. The Prince of Darkness. Lucifer himself. Evil incarnate. He’s a mother fucker that doesn’t play.

If you are going to invoke his name in any way, you best not be bringing it with the bullshit. Like Jim Krasinski can’t just start referring to his house as Satan’s Lair. That might bring about the devil’s wrath.

You know who isn’t cavalier about things like that? The Russians. They are no Jim Krasinski-nation, that’s for certain. So you know if they are building a intercontinental ballistic missile that they feel needs to be named ‘Satan 2,’ you can be certain it ain’t no piddly dipshit warhead.

Let’s hear some specs.

The RS-28 Sarmat is the state-of-the-art heavy liquid-propelled intercontinental ballistic missile which is currently being developed for the Russian army.

It is designed to replace the old Soviet R-36M missiles Voevoda, codenamed ‘Satan’, as the heavy silo-based component of Russia’s nuclear deterrence. The RS-28 has been in development since 2009 and is scheduled to start replacing the old ICBMs in 2018.

Now let’s hear some bombast.

The “Satan 2” missile is rumoured to be the most powerful ever designed and is equipped with stealth technology to help it dodge enemy radar systems .

This terrifying doomsday weapon is likely to strike fear into the hearts of Western military chiefs, as current missile defense technology is totally incapable of stopping it.

Cool. Cool. Sort of like the pervasiveness of evil and the long spindly reach of Mephistopheles himself. I like. Buy how bad can it fuck shit up?

The missile is expected to be capable of delivering up to a dozen warheads, allowing to effectively destroy an area the “size of Texas or France”, [Russian TV network Zvezda reported]

That’s pretty fucking big, and most definitely something I could see Satan doing. So nice work, Russia.

They are expected to test the missile (probably not with 12 fully loaded nukes, but who knows?) this summer, and have it ready for deployment in the next few years.

See you soon, Satan 2.

[Via SpaceWar; Mirror]