Bros, Science Says Stop Blaming Condoms For Your Erectile Dysfunction And Start Blaming Your Defective Dick

If you’re like me, you’ve spent years attributing your sleepy penis to the laborious process/discomfort of wearing a cock sock. Nothing kills the mood like digging through your top drawer and trying to find the one miscellaneous condom your grandfather passed down to you from the 1960s, I would say.

Once you blow the dust off the condom, tear open the package, and go to place it your once RAGING meat popsicle, the thing would be softer than a kittens belly. And after emitting an emasculating awkward laugh, you’d give yourself a little tug to breathe some life back into your Johnson before trying to put the condom on the wrong way. Every. Fucking. Time.

But the time you’ve willed some mojo into your pecker and slid down the condom, the girl has put on all her clothes and is waiting on the sidewalk for her Uber. At that point, you’re left all alone sweating, delusional, and contemplating your existence.


Welp. It turns out it isn’t.

Says who, you ask?

A new study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine explores how condoms affect men’s erections, and it turns out, it’s an ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ situation.

Researchers surveyed 479 heterosexual men between the ages of 18 and 24 who had used a condom during sex within the last 90 days. The men were first asked how often they had erectile problems within the last 90 days were they went condom-free. They were asked at what point they lost their erection (before insertion or during). Then, the men were asked about their erectile problems in the last 90 days when they were using condoms, and at what point they lost their erections.


Of the 472 men, about 62% of them had condom-associated problems before penetration, during penetration, or in both instances. Seems standard. But what’s interesting is that the men who reported condom-associated boner problems were much more likely to have erectile issues even without using a condom. So basically, the dudes who had boner problems were most likely that not going to have them regardless, thus deeming the condom scapegoat approach INVALID.

So since Science says that condoms should no longer bare the brunt of our vitriol, it suggests emotions like worry and distraction are the culprit.

But as men, like condoms, we are hard-wired to not feel things, so blaming condoms will still be the bad guy. Fuck off, Science. You don’t know me.

[h/t Huffington Post]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.