Scientists Have Discovered Real-Life Sex Panther! Hormone Spray Proven To Make Men 15 Percent More Attractive

It was our musty scent all along that was deterring the women.

It had nothing to do with our bitch tits or the fact that our pick up line artillery consists entirely of dick jokes.

It was our musty scent. We tell ourselves.

And now we have it all, fellas–thanks to a group of hard-working scientists doing God’s work and uncovering a ‘love potion’ that makes men 15 percent more attractive to women.

According to Daily Mail, the aphrodisiac spray contains syntocinon, a synthetic form of the hormone oxytocin, which is naturally released in the brain when people fall in love. Oxytocin also plays an integral role in childbirth, stimulating milk production in mothers, and helping them bond with their babies.

But does in work in practice? Researchers at the University of Bonn in Germany set up an experiment to find out.

The researchers asked 40 female volunteers who were in their 20s and ‘passionately in love’ to participate. Half the women were given the syntocinon nasal spray to inhale, while the others were given a placebo. Each group were then shown pictures of various men, including pictures of their husbands. The researchers then switched the test group and gave the spray to the group who inhaled the placebo, and the placebo to the group that previously inhaled the spray.

The women rated their husbands as 15 per cent more attractive after inhaling the spray than after inhaling the placebo.

BIG FINE PRINT: The women who were on birth control reported their partners no more attractive upon inhaling the spray.

Daily Mail points out that the Syntocinon spray can be purchased online but Neal Patel of the Royal Pharmaceutical Society claims it shouldn’t be obtained without a prescription–as it causes nausea and headaches.

Live by the sword, die by the sword.

My research indicates that a 5mL bottle of the spray can be purchased for $29.99. Small price to pay for everlasting love.

[h/t Daily Mail]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.