9 Simple, But Extremely Useful Cooking Hacks That Every Bro Needs To Know
Cooking sucks, bros. Apologies to all of you who enjoy cooking, but it had to be said. More specifically, cooking sucks when you don’t have the time to make anything besides Ramen and whatever you found in your neighbor’s trash.
And because we don’t want you to get caught rooting around in your neighbor’s dumpster for a half-eaten Big Mac and cold three day old pizza, we thought we’d take the time to help you out with these nine easy and quick (mostly, anyway…) cooking hacks. Boner a petit!
The Hand/Steak Test
Say you have to cook for a bunch of different people and they all want their steaks done differently. After you get done muttering “assholes” under your breath, relax your hand, and then feel the pad right beneath your thumb. That’s what a raw steak should feel like. Okay, got it? Now take your index finger and put it together with your thumb, like you’re making the “ok” sign. Feel the pad beneath your thumb again. This is what a rare steak should feel like. Do the same, only with the middle finger to the thumb. Touch the base. You’ve got medium rare. Ring finger to thumb? Medium. Pinky to thumb? Well done. Easier than a meat thermometer, which, as an added bonus, you can use to stab your friends with for being so goddamn picky.
Use a Baster to Get Melted Butter Down Deep into Your Popcorn
Sure, you could always butter your popcorn and then shake it so the butter gets down in there, but what are you, a caveman? Civilization has blessed us with tools, and a simple tool like the baster can be used to efficiently get that butter where you need it to be. Just melt the butter, suck it up with a baster and then shoot it down in there. Squirt it real good, baby. Nobody likes it dry.
Heat Your Ice Cream Scoop
Ice cream sounds great until you’re forced to try to excavate it from its frozen tomb like a goddamn grave robber. One elegant solution is to simply heat your scoop. Just run it under warm water for a few seconds and it should cut right through the frozen wasteland separating you from iced joy. This is the sort of thing that separates us from the animals. That’s right, apes still use cold spoons. Newbs.
Put a Wooden Spoon Over Boiling Water to Keep the Pot From Boiling Over
Anyone who’s ever made mac & cheese has experienced this. You boil the water, get it really rolling and then the next thing you know it’s erupting all over the stove like Mt. Vesuvius. A simple, if not exactly high-tech solution, is to simply place a wooden spoon over the top of the pot. Or, if you have to keep a lid on it, cock the lid a little bit. Same effect. Why does this work? Do I look like fuckin’ Mr. Wizard to you? Some things are just magic. Or the will of God, maybe? I don’t really know how religion works.