Virgin Mary Snake Gives Birth To Snake Without Having Sex, Snake Dies, Like Jesus

snake

Shutterstock

A snake in Missouri that I have dubbed ‘The Virgin Mary’ has now given birth to a third baby conceived without the aid of male sperm, penis or presence.

The Virgin Mary snake is taking the title ‘The Virgin Mary’ from the Virgin Mary woman, because she only had one virgin birth. It’s simple. You can’t be the home run king if someone hits more home runs than you.

Sure, Mary’s virgin baby went on to do really big things, but it’s too early to judge these snakes. Talk to me in 2,000 years. Hell, by then, the snakes she gave birth to may go down in history as the most important snakes ever. No one reading the internet in 7 A.D. could have predicted Jesus’s importance millenia later.

Plus, the one she just gave birth to has already died. It took Jesus 33 years to do that. This snake is on top of his game.

Science has tried to explain the phenomenon without the use of the words ‘Snake God,’ which is silly imo because this is clearly the work of the Snake God. From the New York Post:

Conservation Department herpetologist Jeff Briggler said virgin births are rare but can occur in some species through a process called parthenogenesis

Parthenogenesis is a type of asexual reproduction in which offspring develop from unfertilized eggs, meaning there is no genetic contribution by a male.

It’s caused when cells known as polar bodies, which are produced with an animal’s egg and usually die, behave like sperm and fuse with the egg, triggering cell division.

Nice try. I know what really happened.