10-Foot Long Snakes Are Slithering Into Toilets And I’m Never Taking A Dump Again

snake-python-toilet-australia

I thought the scariest possible scenario of pinching a loaf was the burning agony of passing the remnants of super spicy Sichuan Dandan noodles, but alas there’s something much, much more terrifying. Motehrfucking snakes in a motehrfucking toilet. And it’s not just some cutesy garden snake, it’s a goddamn 10-foot long python!

Professional snake catcher Elliot Budd, from Townsville, in north-east Queensland, Australia discovered the massive snake coiled up in the toilet of a house under construction. Here’s a crazy idea, if you live in a town that warrants the need to a “snake catcher,” than that’s a place that mother nature doesn’t want humans to live in and you should relocate immediately.

“They didn’t give me too many details before I arrived so I wasn’t really expecting it to be in the toilet,” Budd said. What a nice little surprise. When he attempted to yank the snake from the toilet, it quickly retreated down through the pipes. “He was really big and really strong so when he tensed up and held himself in there I couldn’t physically pull him out,” Budd said. He asked a construction worker on the site to unbolt the toilet so that Budd could get a better angle. “In the end his head was poking out so I just keep pulling until he eventually started sliding out,” the snake catcher said. Finally he won the battle of the porcelain throne and out came a 10-foot long python.

The week before, another large coastal carpet python that was over 7-foot long was found wrapped up inside his toilet.

Budd believes that the recent hot weather caused the snake to find water. “It is very dry out here so he was probably just looking for a drink,” Budd stated. “Around this time of year there isn’t a lot of water around and the snake needs water to shed.”


Snaking the toilet, you’re doing it really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really wrong. Thanks Australia, now I’m never taking a shit ever again because I don’t want my nuggets to get gnawed off.