I did not know that sometimes seals have sex with penguins. But today, I learned that sometimes seals have sex with penguins.
That would be gigantic, dude seals, tryna fuck little, tiny penguins. How did I learn this information? From an article on the BBC called “Seals discovered having sex with penguins.”
Don’t need much to sell me on a link like that.
Let’s enjoy some excerpts from the article.
Things are heating up in the cold climes of the sub-Antarctic. On a remote, and mostly desolate island, seals have been caught engaging in an extreme form of sexual behaviour.
Specifically, they have been trying to have sex with penguins.
Oh, things are heating up. Heating up, indeed. In fact, nothing gets me hotter than hearing about two different kinds of animals going at it. A bat flying inside an elephant’s ass? Yes. Give me more. A bobcat jizzing all over a lobster’s claws? I am rock hard.
The discovery of this behavior was published in a study titled, I kid you not, “”Multiple occurrences of king penguin (Aptenodytes patagonicus) sexual harassment by Antarctic fur seals (Arctocephalus gazella).”
That’s a great name for a study. But what exactly did the scientists–can we even call these dudes scientists at this point? To me they’re just pervs with a real small niche–see?
On three separate occasions, a research team led by William A. Haddad and de Bruyn spotted young male seals sexually coercing what appeared to be healthy penguins of unknown gender.
There’s video of it the BBC, which we can’t embed, but here’s a screenshot. Surprise! Seals fuck penguins doggy-style.
God. That’s the BEST picture. Best. It seems, too, that much like dudes doffing a vertically-striped shirt and asking a lady if she wants to take shots, seals have a personal style when it comes to doing it.
All four known sexual incidents followed a common pattern. Each time a seal chased, captured and mounted the penguin. The seal then attempted copulation several times, lasting about five minutes each, with periods of rest in between.
YA MON. Fucking is exhausting. But I know what you are thinking. Did the seals ever get in?
Male and female penguins mate via an opening called a cloaca, and the seals are thought to have actually penetrated the penguins in some of the acts, which were caught on film by Haddad.
Rough. But don’t worry, this story has a happy ending.
In three of the four recorded incidents the seal let the penguin go. But on one of the more recent occasions, the seal killed and ate the penguin after trying to mate with it.
I love everything about everything. Seriously, this is the happiest I have ever been.