These Psychopaths Made A Song About Their Huge Boner For Crystal Pepsi And It’s The Song Of The F*cking Summer

by 3 years ago

It’s been 23-some-odd-years since Crystal Pepsi first burst onto the scene. “Clear cola? But cola is brown. How could that be? Next thing you’ll tell me is I won’t be jerking off to magazines soon. Sheesh.” is what we all thought as we sat, mesmerized by the commercial that featured Van Halen’s “Right Now.”

How Crystal Pepsi failed while using that song is incomprehensible. I blame all the David Lee Roth fans. Although part of the reason for the product’s failure had to be because no one had any idea how they made cola clear and that was very unsettling. Or at least no one I knew had any REAL idea. Pretty sure my parents chalked it up to evil sorcery.

I loved it, though. Primarily because I was young and stupid and I liked just about anything. I’ll never forget riding my bike miles upon miles to the closest 7-11 (or whatever) just to get a bottle or Crystal Pepsi (or Jolt, loved me some Jolt). I won’t even get off the couch to walk 30 feet to my refrigerator these days. But back then I’d go to the end of the earth for a fucking soda. Those were simpler times. Jerk-off-to-magazines times. I will always remember them fondly. Except for that one time my mom walked into the bathroom, that memory sucks.

So that’s why when I saw this music video, brought to us by the guy who did this…

…I became excited that Crystal Pepsi is going to make a comeback.