This Is South Korea’s Retaliation Plans For If/When North Korea Attacks, And Goddamn Are They Screwed

With North Korea having (supposedly) successfully had its fifth nuclear warhead test on Friday, it’s no surprise that their neighbors to the South are getting antsy. It’s one thing for Best Korea to threaten to bomb Washington D.C. since there’s no way in hell NK is technologically capable of sending a missile that far — but for South Korea? Much more manageable, and much more realistic, sadly.

In the event that Fearless Leader Kim Jong-un gets his panties in a twist over some mundane everyday malaise and decides to take his discomfort out on the south, BBC reports that their retaliation plan will be to completely destroy Pyongyang with “ballistic missiles and high-explosives shells.”

What, were you expecting something else? What other option is there when you’re dealing with an unhinged dictator?

The South Korean military official told Yonhap that Pyongyang districts thought to be hiding the North’s leadership would be particularly targeted in any attack. The city, the source said, “will be reduced to ashes and removed from the map”.

The BBC‘s Korea correspondent Steve Evans says the South is using the same bloodcurdling rhetoric that the North frequently uses about the South Korean government in Seoul.

He says there has been rising criticism within South Korea of the government as its attempts to isolate the North have failed to deter leader Kim Jong-un’s nuclear ambitions.

The United Nations banned North Korea from performing any tests of nuclear or missile technology, though as you can see that’s been about as effective as eating cardboard in an attempt to get more fiber into your diet.

As for what the United States is doing about NK’s seeming progression into nuclear territory, the U.S. special envoy for North Korea stated that “North Korea continues to present a growing threat to the region, to our allies, to ourselves, and we will do everything possible to defend against that growing threat. In addition to sanctions in the Security Council, both the US and Japan, together with [South Korea], will be looking at any unilateral measures as well as bilateral measures as well as possible trilateral cooperation.”