I know what you’re thinking. Florida. And 9 out of 10 times you’d be right. But before you bet the farm on it, you gotta consider Galveston, Texas coming in HOT. If Galveston sounds familiar to some of you, that’s because it’s where Robert Durst shot and killed his friend and manually chopped up his body, before putting the dismembered parts in trash bags and throwing it in a lake. So, Galveston is like Florida’s second cousin.
Last week, police in Galveston arrested Jonathan Glenn for allegedly stabbing someone Tuesday night. But leaving someone in critical condition may be the least shameful thing Johnny boy did that day.
According to ABC 13’s Eyewitness News, Following a short-lived foot chase, the 29-year-old was arrested and put back in the squad car. Police reports indicate that Jonathan then shit himself. Ok, happens to the very best of us. But then Jonathan entered virgin territory. He then collected the shit in his mouth before spitting it back out at the officers driving the squad car. The theatrics didn’t stop there. Jonathan then grabbed the seatbelt and started choking himself out with it in an apparent attempt at suicide. Gotta be a tough way to go when the very last thing you did before taking your life was chomping on a mouthful of your own shit.
Glenn is now being held on a $100,000 bond on a charge of aggravated assault, according to the Galveston Police Department. He also had a previous warrant out for his arrest for a kidnapping charge. Seems like an all-around good dude.
I don’t mean to generalize or stereotype here, but the dude looks kind of normal. And by normal, I mean doesn’t look all strung out on Flakka. Looks more like a yearbook photo than a mug shot. But I guess the moral of the story here is batshit crazy has no face.
K, I think it’s time for a shower.