Florida Dude High On Flakka Strips Naked, Has Sex With A Tree, All While Claiming To Be God–And You Can’t Prove He’s Not

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SCREENSHOT


We’ve been reporting as many Flakka-related arrests as we can here at BroBible, because well, they’re fucking hilarious. Because who doesn’t like to hear about a guy impaling himself with a fence or getting ass naked and chasing invisible thieves that who stole his pants? These stories make me feel better about the stupid shit that I do. It’s all relative, this life.

If you’re unfamiliar with Flakka, its a designer drug made with the same chemicals as bath salts that is extremely popular in Florida. It gives you temporary super-human strength and gives me excellent blogging material.

The latest Flakka-related incident occurred in Melbourne, Florida after a 41-year-old dude attacked a police officer after being tased TWICE, while repeatedly shouting that he was God.

And, oh ya, he also fucked a tree.

Florida Police arrested Kenneth Crowder on Friday afternoon on charges of battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting with violence, and assault with a deadly weapon on a law enforcement officer, according to Click Orlando.

Kenny was spotted by witnesses running through a Melbourne neighborhood ass naked, shouting he was God before humping a tree. Talk about laying the wood, AMIRIGHT? Guys? I suck.

When tased by an officer twice, Kenneth pulled the probes out of his body and continued to fight off the officers. The officer then punched him in the face. The punch must have knocked some sense into him, because he dropped the title of God and announced that he was Thor instead, then tried to stab the officer with his own badge. I can’t make this shit up.

Officers ended up getting Thor under control and arrested him. And we’ll find out if he’s really God if he can perform a miracle to escape prison.

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