Big boobs are fantastic. That’s a given.
However, science says it’s not all about ginormous gazongas. A team of European scientists performed a study to see the if bigger really is better when it comes to the size of breasts. They discovered that it isn’t about the size, but rather the shape of breasts that drives men crazy.
[protected-iframe id=”03caeb935a33667aa9e4278cffd78069-97886205-93291949″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/vamLWmLRxZdew” width=”480″ height=”278″ frameborder=”0″ class=”giphy-embed” allowfullscreen=””]
The scientific study was titled “Men’s Preferences For Women’s Breast Size And Shape In Four Cultures” was published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior, and makes me wonder if you are a scientist why would you choose to study boring shit such as foot fungus or dental plaque if you could study boobies?
[protected-iframe id=”f2dfe42feaf3b8283320cb12d6d5e59d-97886205-93291949″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/54Z5yRMdCB2og” width=”480″ height=”368″ frameborder=”0″ class=”giphy-embed” allowfullscreen=””]
The team of researchers did a cross-cultural survey of men from Brazil, Cameroon, the Czech Republic, and Namibia. They showed the men different photos of women’s breasts and asked the participants to select their favorite pair of fun bags. The results were rather surprising. They didn’t pick the biggest rack, but instead it was the shape of the chesticles that men found desirable.
[protected-iframe id=”3bc2cd3715176cf75b2f547e85307948-97886205-93291949″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/3aUbzWv8L1qko” width=”480″ height=”717″ frameborder=”0″ class=”giphy-embed” allowfullscreen=””]
The most important visual element was breast morphology (For fellow dumb people who don’t know what morphology means, the definition of morphology is the study of the form and structure of organisms and their specific structural features). The scientists speculate that there’s something about breast shape that indicates to the male that a female is especially fertile.
[protected-iframe id=”ed5695bfd9005bdba55aa9116d1c6fb9-97886205-93291949″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/i7cheR7WJrQhq” width=”480″ height=”587″ frameborder=”0″ class=”giphy-embed” allowfullscreen=””]
One feature of jugs, in particular, seemed to put lead in their pencils: firmness. Breast size will change with age and number of babies the woman has, so scientists believe that firmness gives men a better indicator of fertility, which is more consistent.
[protected-iframe id=”94bfb3c03f403f950fcc4d82d4c02232-97886205-93291949″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/K2Nioda32MTN6″ width=”480″ height=”400″ frameborder=”0″ class=”giphy-embed” allowfullscreen=””]
While the study’s premise may seem unnecessarily indulgent and its results troublingly exclusionary, it does shed some light on the evolutionary basis of the male obsession with boobs. The leading theory proposes that breasts are, first and foremost, an indicator of what disturbingly utilitarian scientists have called a woman’s “residual fertility.” Natural sexual selection is what led to the specific breast shapes and sizes we see on women today. This makes sense: If you imagine a bunch of early cavemen trying to gauge which of the local cave ladies would make the healthiest, fittest mother for their children, it’s not a stretch to say that they’d rely mostly on visual cues to inform their decision, similar to peacock females sizing up a male’s grand tail feathers.
Most men preferred medium-sized breasts, followed by large ones, and lastly small titters.
[protected-iframe id=”5fdb532dd9d25a8e84126cb31ac2c802-97886205-93291949″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/NgLM8pecbMJvq” width=”480″ height=”459″ frameborder=”0″ class=”giphy-embed” allowfullscreen=””]
So there you go, you learned some science all while gawking at some bazongas.