Good News, America: Survey Reveals That We’re The Fattest We’ve Ever Been! #DietStartsMonday

Good news bros. There is no one better in the entire world at being fat than Americans. Chalk it up to another win for the red, white and blue. Not only that, but we’re better at being fat than we ever have been, says the Center for Disease Control and Prevention. Hey grandpa, cool bro, your generation had to walk five miles to school uphill, suffer through The Depression, and mail letters. Mine has the Kardashians and are fat as fuck. Lets call it a wash, gramps. Drink your warm milk and go to bed.

Hold on, let’s take a quick break from our sponsors.

According to CNN,

The big negative is that the rate of obesity in the United States is continuing its upward march. In 2015, 30.4% of Americans 20 and older said they were obese, up from 29.9% in 2014.

Although the 2015 rate is not significantly higher than the previous year’s, it represents a continuation of a trend that has been going on since at least 1997, when researchers began using the current survey and when only 19.4% of Americans said they were obese.

This ain’t no small survey. The results are from one of the largest and broadest surveys of health in the United States. Every year since 1957, the CDC  has been asking Americans 18 and older about their health and the health of their family members. This survey took into account data from 100,000 Americans.

One more bite.

[h/t CNN]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.