The 25 Rules Of Having A Long-Distance Bromance


Every man has his Bros, even if he thinks he’s too cool to call’em that. This is the group of guys who have bailed you out of more than one sticky situation, given you advice ranging from which girls to date to how to grill a burger for a Fourth of July party, made sure you never did stupid stuff alone and had your back at all times. As much as you think this is going to last forever, much like that brand new car, youthful metabolism and 50% of American marriages, it will come to an end. Every bro has had to see one of their own move away. While heartbreaking, you can still have a long-distance bromance as long as you follow these rules.

1. You must road trip with them.
The move from LA to New York isn’t so bad when you leave a week early and insist on road tripping with your moving bro. They’ll still need their car in the big apple.

2. Break in their new couch.
New place means new couch, which means you have to be the first one to crash at the place.

3. Get used to group text.
Everyone feels left out when one member of the wolf-pack leaves. Your phone may annoy you like crazy, but you’ll forget it once you guys are swapping stories from last Saturday night.

4. Always take a picture of that drunk 8 blonde girl at the bar who you think you’re going home with tonight for the final thumbs up from your bro.
You aren’t sure if its the beer goggles, but she is looking miiiighty fine tonight.

5. Always text back ASAP when your bro needs your advice about that blonde at the bar who is a sober
You can’t be the voice of reason the next morning. Stop him before something bad happens.

6. Don’t hold back on the embarrassing stories.
They have a right to know about how you got kicked out of that girl’s apartment without clothes and had to walk home with nothing but underwear made out of the newspaper.

7. Try Skyping them in on a hangout once.
Then realize it’s more sad that way, so resolve to never do that again.

8. Don’t Tinder alone.
You are not allowed to schedule a meet-up with that one girl unless your bro gives you the green light. Trust me, your dick will thank you.

9. Text them every time you and the rest of the bros are marathoning “Entourage” or the James Bond films or [INSERT FRIEND TRADITION]. You wouldn’t hang out with the gang and not text Ari, now would you?

10. Not backing out of a challenge, even the ALS Ice Water Challenge.
But dude, at this point, just give the money to charity. Don’t clog the newsfeed.

11. Never listen to their song without them.
No one else was on that road trip where you listened to The Black Keys’ “El Camino” album a million times over and over and that bond can never be shared with anyone else.

12. Play video games online with them.
You’ll have to save 007 Nighfire, Godzilla vs. Mothra and other Playstation favorites from your youth when you reconvene, unfortunately.

13. Share stuff on their Facebook wall like crazy.
Or, if you are too concerned about looking like a teenage girl, just keep texting.

14. Don’t let anyone make fun of you.
They don’t understand having this close of a bromance. Feel sorry for them and their lonely state.

15. When in doubt, always check with your bro, no matter the time.
Trust me, they know the difference between a fun bad decision and a bad bad decision. If you don’t, listen to them.

16. Don’t keep reminding them of their favorite food, it makes them angry.
They cherish those late night Randy’s Donuts and In n Out runs, but they are without them in New York, so stop making them jealous.

17. Random mentions of inside jokes on any form of communication should be met with rapt laughter.
Don’t be the buzzkill friend now that you guys are apart.

18. Stick to your Memorial Day Vegas plans.
It doesn’t matter that you are on the other side of the country, Bro traditions are sacred.

19. Give them space.
You aren’t the only bro for them in their life and there are probably going to be some pretty cool bros in New York. Give him the space to be happy out there.

20. Hang out with new bros.
You are never going to replace your main friend, but you shouldn’t stop yourself from the friends out there in your city.

21. Try a new hobby.
When you guys meet up, you’ve got something new to show him and he’ll have something new to show you.

22. Never forget to check in.
Having a best bro means you’ve always got someone waiting to shoot the shit with you.

23. Never forget to text back.
Having a best bro means never having to be embarrassed to reply immediately.

24. Your couch is always open. Repeat: ALWAYS.
Don’t let them get a room at a hotel no matter how dirty your place is.

25. Always pick up where you left off.
The light of your bromance will never burn out.

You may be far apart having completely different experiences. However, if you look up in the sky on a Friday night, just know you are both shotgunning a beer at that moment.

[Image via Shutterstock]

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