Sucks To Be This Thief Who Was Sentenced To 22 Years In Prison For Stealing A Remote Control


DuPage County

A Chicago man who stole a universal remote control from the common area of an apartment complex will have over 8,000 to think of what he wants to watch on the tube.

Eric Bramwell, 35, has “repeatedly thumbed his nose at the law” and was eligible for an extended-term sentence because of his past criminal history, according to prosecutors.

According to the Chicago Tribune,

Authorities alleged that Bramwell entered the common area of the apartment building in the 100 block of Cross Street on Aug. 1, 2015, and stole the universal remote to the television set. But, prosecutors say, Bramwell dropped a glove while at the complex, and a DNA sample taken from it was matched to Bramwell’s DNA in a database of convicted felons, which led to his arrest.

He was alleged to have committed similar thefts of remotes and televisions in other apartment complexes in Wheaton, Lisle, Aurora, Bloomingdale, Downers Grove and Oakbrook Terrace, prosecutors said.

“Mr. Bramwell’s illegal activity and his history have finally caught up with him,” State’s Attorney Robert Berlin said. “Regardless of what was stolen, Mr. Bramwell repeatedly thumbed his nose at the law. He took what he wanted time and time again and expected to avoid the consequences. That’s not how it works, as Mr. Bramwell has now found out.”

And this jerkoff didn’t do himself any favors in court either, as the judge tacked on six months for contempt for using profane language in court.

I’m not very nuanced in the area of prison politics, but I’m pretty sure ‘stealing a remote’ control holds about as much clout in prison as wearing high heels and lipstick. This dude is going to have to scratch and claw his way out of ‘bottom bitch’ status and that’s a treacherous journey that isn’t for the faint of heart.

[h/t Chicago Tribune]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.