To Celebrate National Pickle Month (A Food), We Received This Email Explaining 5 Amazing Ways To Tickle His Pickle (A Penis)

happy pickle

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I honestly feel bad for PR people. The countless emails that go without an answer. The peddling of pointless products and “authorities” who know shit about nothing. The constant brainstorming sessions trying to figure out how to get websites, magazines and famous Instagram assholes to mention the piece of shit their firm is pushing on people this week. It’s a thankless gig.

About 99% of the PR emails delivered to my inbox get immediately junked. Here’s the 1%-er.

The month of July is home to a grand spectacle of a holiday for America, but let’s not forget that it’s also National Pickle Month! Instead of gorging on deli-fresh dills, I’d love to offer some tips on tickling his pickle from sex expert and host of top downloaded podcast Sex with Emily, Dr. Emily Morse.

In this instance, pickles = cocks. Well played. Well played. You have my attention, now, let’s hear the — no pun intended — tips to the pickling.

1. The single hand twist up and over: While pleasuring him with only one hand, twist your hand gently around the base of his penis and move up toward the head. Run your hand over his head and squeeze gently (feel free to play with him here as long as you please, he won’t complain) before dropping your hand back down on to the other side of his shaft. Continue this twisting/twirling motion for as long as you like, and don’t be afraid to use lots of lube like SKYN Maximum Performance, the new silicone-based, extra long lasting lubricant from LifeStyles.

2. The two handed twist: This move is sure to make him throw his head back in ecstasy! Get him all lubed up, and then start by wrapping both hands around his shaft, one on top of the other. Slowly start twisting your hands around his shaft in opposite directions, and incorporate gentle squeezing and stroking. There are some really fun tricks to play around with this move, too!

3. Head twist: Again, get him all lubed up and ready to go, as the wetter the better for head play. While using one hand to stroke him up and down on the base of his penis, use your top hand to gently squeeze and play with his very sensitive head. Wrap your hand right underneath the tip, and twist your way up and around his head gently, changing up the pressures from lighter to stronger however he likes it.

4. Switch up the Pressure: No matter what wonderful thing you’re doing to him, it can supercharge the mood every time by switching up the pressure used on every part of him. Figure out what feels good for the both of you! The best part? Discovering the perfect rhythm will be fun for everyone.

5. Change positions: While he probably isn’t going to ask for anything more while he’s in heaven, you sure can give it to him! Feel free to play around with sexy positions while you pleasure him. He is going to love seeing more of you or from different angles. You can have him lay down while you sit up and pleasure him, or you can have him stand up while you sit beneath him. There are an infinite amount of positions to try, and don’t forget the art of the tease!

Feel free to practice before attempting.