I personally believe that condoms are torture devices create in a laboratory to torture men and ruin sex. With that in mind, I’d never get snipped and undergo a vasectomy under any circumstances. I don’t care if doctors claim it’s a minimally invasive and relatively painless procedure, is sounds like hell and the potential complications terrify the heebie jeebies out of me.
Earlier today a buddy of mine sent me a GTalk message with this ‘TIFU’ story about a vasectomy, and I haven’t been able to get this out of my mind ever since. This dude’s vasectomy went well, I guess, but the aftermath caused a repeat visit to the doctor and it sounds goddamn awful:
This happened a couple of days ago, I’m still recovering.
On Thursday I got a vasectomy, everything went well, I wasn’t in too much pain and they let me go home after the anaesthetic wore off. On Friday morning I was a bit sore, but I still got out of bed and went through my morning routine like normal. After breakfast I sat down on the toilet, and that’s where the trouble started.
As I started pooping I could feel a dull ache growing in my balls, and the more I pushed the more intense it got, and seemed to pulsate up through my guts and down my legs. I slowly began dumping my load, and the pain got worse, like my balls were being squeezed in a rotating vice. I started to feel a bit faint, but I still wasn’t finished, so I took a deep breath and prepared for the final push…
The next thing I know I’m waking from some kind of dream, wondering why everything has gone quiet, with no idea where I am or what’s going on. It takes me a few moments to realize I’m face-down in a puddle of blood on the bathroom floor.
I looked like an absolute mess but felt ok after that, there was a gaping wound on my forehead but at least the pain in my balls had subsided. My wife drove me to the hospital to make sure I was ok, and they glued up the gash in my head and made me hang around for four hours just in case I passed out again. Strangely, neither the ER doctor nor the surgeon who had snipped me the day before believed that pooping could trigger that kind of pain in my balls.
The next time I took a dump I spread pillows out on the bathroom floor to catch me if I went down. I still got some intense pain, but luckily managed to stay conscious.
TL;DR: Got snipped, pooped, passed out. (via Deknackered/TIFU)
I can’t really even empathize here. The closest I’ve ever come to rock bottom like this is when I had surgery to have my wisdom teeth removed and loaded up on pain pills on an empty stomach, resulting in me throwing up the stitches in my mouth and having to do it all over again. The pain and despair I went through is nothing compared to what this man had to endure.
Pour one out for this bro.