Runaway Unicorn Leads California Police On A Wicked High-Speed, Fantastical Pursuit

I don’t know about you guys but me, I’ve been told the better part of my life that mythological creatures like Bigfoot, leprechauns, blood-sucking vamps, and whatever massively oversized oaf chomped down on Jack fresh off the beanstalk were mere fabrications of an overexcited imagination. BUT, right here, right here we have video evidence of a damn unicorn engaged in a high(ish)-speed car chase. Ugh, I’ll stop right there, I do desperately wish that thus was so, and we were actually enjoying evidence of the existence of unicorns. But nah.

What we see here is a newly jailbroken badass won’t-be-fucked-with lil white pony who’s sporting a strap-on horn named Juliette that clocked off early from her shift as the ‘entertainment’ at a child’s birthday party. Refund though?

California Highway Patrol Officer Josh McConnell disclosed to the press that several drivers reported unicorn sightings while driving down the highway. Hold up. That is epic. Okay, anyways, McConnell says, “The calls were coming in, that there was a unicorn running around out there on the roadway.” Sandra Boos a member of the family commented on the whole ridiculous situation to add that the runaway unicorn Juliette was unexpectedly stealthy, which is obviously to be expected when you consider the fact that no bro has spotted one yet.

Fortunately (I think..) the unicorn was apprehended, and all has returned to normal, but there’s still hope that there are other runaway unicorns yet let loose out the pen just yet. Pour one out for Juliette tonight though, cause damn if that unicorn went for it.