Not trying to blow any spots here but people are using Lyft to get laid now. And no, they’re not banging drivers. Well maybe some people are banging drivers, but not these people.
Usually, I end up with people who silently stare at their iPhones or foreign tourists who can only say “Hello!” and “Goodbye!” But on this particular Friday night, my driver pulled up to a bar, and in slid a guy I’ll call Rideshare Richard. Over the next 25 minutes, I learned that he was a lawyer, single, lived in Brooklyn Heights, and wanted my phone number. I thought: Can I say no without this being weird? And then: Is he going to kill me? He knows where I live! Then I realized that, unlike 98% of my Tinder matches, Richard was employed, normal-seeming, and attractive—so I said yes.
Not only am I still alive to tell you this story, but since that night I’ve heard more stories of rideshares turning into connections. Drivers have witnessed the phenomenon. And my friend Rob admits to using rideshares as four-wheeled yentas. Which proves my theory that of all the dating apps on your phone, Lyft and Uber might be the best. You get all the randomness of a night out at the bar, with the safety net of a finite ride in case things go wrong.
If using Lyft as a means of bringing single women right to you sounds like a viable dating option, here are some tips on how to seal the deal before it’s time to depart.
1. First, Check Out The Passengers
If it’s a dude, or she’s unattractive, or you’ve already made sex with her using Lyft, wait for another ride. Keep calling Lyft until you find a suitably sexy rideshare buddy. If it’s very late at night, and you need to get home, ask the driver if it would be alright if you stuck your dick in the gas tank opening for a couple minutes.
2. Find Out Where All The Hot Girls Live
Hot chicks usually live in clusters, even those who aren’t sister wives. They also choose the safest neighborhoods. Anything close to a Starbucks. Hang out along that route and keep calling Lyft for rides. Even if you’re only going a couple blocks. Ask each woman if she knows your friend Ginger who lives in the same neighborhood. Everyone knows Ginger.
3. Get A Uniform
Women love a man in uniform. I suggest a UPS outfit. Bring fake packages so it doesn’t look like you’re lying and instruct the driver to make many stops. Leave the door open during the ride and hop in and out. Tell her if any of the packages are shoes she can have them. When you get to her place, tell her “I’ve got a package for you too!” and point to your dingus.
4. Get Dropped Off At A House Nicer Than Your Own
There’s a good chance you’re dropped off first and once she sees you’re living in a trailer park she’s not going to call you back. Get the address of the nicest house in your area that close enough to walk to after the car drops you off. Make it look like you live there by pretending to unlock the front door. If someone opens the door, hug them immediately, and until the car pulls away.
5. Ask To Use Her Bathroom
In case it doesn’t look like the young woman is going to invite a stranger up to her place (fucking prude) ask if you can come up and use the restroom because “it’s an emergency.” Then rock back and forth in your seat and hold your dick like a kindergartener and explain “the tinkles are pushing out and it’s making my mushroom cap itchy!”
If none of those work, GQ has some other suggestions, which won’t make you look like a creeper.