Turns Out Warren Harding Was A Total Bro, Used To Bone His Mistress In A White House Coat Closet While President

by 4 years ago
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It turns out the ‘G’ in Warren G. Harding stands for ‘Getting it on in the White House’ because it (also) turns out that Warren Harding used to get it on in the White House.

(It actually stands for ‘Gamaliel.’ which is much, much stupider.)

And not just in the Lincoln Bedroom, like your basic, non-Clintonian leaders of the free world. Nahhh. War G fucked in a coat closet. With a woman that wasn’t his wife.

Presidents! They’re all horrible people.

The coat closet sex isn’t new news, although it’s news to me. Harding’s alleged mistress made the claim in a memoir a long time ago.

The reason it’s making news now is that DNA testing proved that Harding fathered a child with the woman, just before he took office. Via The Daily Mail:

Relatives of President Warren G Harding revealed to the New York Times on Wednesday that he did indeed father a daughter in 1919 with his longtime mistress Nan Britton, after receiving the results of a genetic test linking them to the son of the love child.

Rumors of Harding’s infidelity became tabloid fodder in 1927, when Britton authored a tell-all on their secret relationship, revealing juicy facts like the fact that they used to have sex in a West Wing closet.

Yea makes sense. If I were president, I would never wear a rubber. Like, what the fuck is the point of spending all that time running for president if, when you take office, you gotta wear a rubber? Fuck that.

Harding was preceded in the White House by Woodrow Wilson, who definitely did not fuck in a closet.