Brian: Hey I’m Brian it’s VERY nice to meet you! (Sounding creepy as usual)
Cindy: Hi I’m Cindy it’s nice to meet you, too. (Awkwardly shaking my hand)
And so it begins…
Brian: So, Cindy, do you come to this bar often?
Cindy: Sometimes, but my friend’s dragged me out tonight…
Brian: Well, Cindy, now that you met me, aren’t you glad they dragged you out?
Cindy: Umm, yea sure.
Brian: Ahh, Cindy, you’re killing me!
Cindy: What? Sorry, I don’t get it.
Brian: That was a bad joke. I’m just messing with you, Cindy.
Cindy: Why do you keep saying my name?
Brian: Hey Cindy, do you want to get out of here?
Cindy: Excuse me!?!?
Brian: Come on, I’ll give you $20…
Okay, Cindy is kind of a bitch but hopefully you get the point. Creepy or not, saying a girl's name in the first five sentences after meeting her will always sound ridiculous. There is also a good chance that you will be meeting your Cindy at a bar and not while she’s shopping or working a corner in AC, so finding out her name will be kind of important whether you’re looking to see her again or just looking for a one-nighter.
I’m no Chuck Norris, but finding a better way around this little dilemma has been the most important thing I did this week (besides eating Oreos and watching reruns of Swamp People). Here are ten ways to find out a girl’s name because you forgot it:
Introduce her to your wingman.
Everyone reading this will probably have been here before. It’s easy and it’s genius. Just make sure your wingman knows what’s going on. The reason I say wingman is because he will know how to play this off the best out of anyone you know therefore it will never backfire on you. Keep one thing in mind when doing this: Have your friend shake her hand as soon as possible. This keeps her from looking at you and expecting you to say her name like you’re doing a normal introduction. It should sound something like this:
You: What’s up man? (Shaking your friends hand)
You: (Looking at the girl) Sorry…this is my friend John.
Wingman John: Hi, it’s nice to meet you. (Awkwardly shaking her hand)
The Girl: Hi, I’m Melissa, nice to meet you too.
Make sure to thank Wingman John later.
Ask what her name is, but pretend you meant her last name.
At first I didn’t get this but after hearing it from someone else it sounded easy and kind of fun. I’m actually looking forward to forgetting a girl’s name in the near future so I can try and pull this off. Start off my simply asking her what her name is. She’s either going to tell you her name, in which you have easily succeeded or she will bitch at you and say, “Are you serious, you don’t even know my fucking name?” Whichever one she says, play it off like you were asking what her last name was and make be sure to act offended that she thought you didn’t know her first name – which you forgot. If she told you her name was Samantha, say something like, “No, I know your name is Samantha, I meant what is your last name?” If she continues to bitch, just bail because nothing is going up from there.
Talk to the bartender.
The bartender is your friend and their job is to make you happy if your tipping them. If you’re not tipping them, that’s fucked up (I know this becausee I am a bartender). Feel free to approach them with your name dilemma.
If the bartender is a girl, tell her that you’re interested in this girl but forgot her name. Try to be as honest as you can or at least pretend to be. Say that you really like this girl and wanted to ask her out on a date. Their little bartender hearts will melt and they will either give you better advice than this or find out her name for you. Since the bartender thinks you’re a real sweetheart she will probably do this for you. If things fail with the no name chick, at least you know you got a shot with the bartender.
If the bartender is a guy, he will either be a dick or a bro. If he’s a dick – don’t bother asking him for anything else but a shot of Jameson. If he’s a bro, ask him to help a fellow bro out. If you do this just know that you’re giving him an open invitation to ask her for her name, which can very well lead to him making moves on Miss No Name. If you don’t want to do this, you can ask him to look at her tab and tell you her name. Three things have to happen for this to be successful: First, he has to be cool with this creepy request. Second, she has to have a tab. Third, if she has a tab; it has to be her credit card.
Play a stupid game with her.
Stupid games are the easiest way to a girl’s heart. Okay maybe not but they can lead to finding out her name. I know this because I played several stupid games and in return I found out several different names by using my same very stupid but effective method. Games like, “The name game” or “Who can sign their name better when they’re drunk?” are the ones I always play. For example, the name game is when someone has to name a celebrity and the next person has to name another celebrity whose first name starts with the previously named celebrities first initial from there last name. Confused? I am just writing this. For example:
I say: Minka Kelly (K)
She says: Kristen Stewart (S)
I say: Sam Adams (A)
She says: Amy Winehouse (RIP)
And so on and so on. Well when explaining the game to her; ask her to say her first and last name, just as an example. Probably the weirdest way to get her name but fuck it, desperate times call for desperate measures.
Give her a reason to let you look at her ID.
This is another weird way to find out her name and probably a little harder than playing a stupid game. This is because girls are always self conscious about how they look in their driver license picture. I don’t know why they care so much, just like we don’t know why they care about 95% of the shit they care about in general. If you are trying to pull this off the only thing you have to focus on is asking them a question and acting like you don’t believe their answer. Since this is done in a joking way they will be more likely to show you their ID for “proof.” What questions can you ask? Well, that’s easy. The question that always works for me is when I ask a girl what her sign is. Girls love talking about their signs and once again we have no clue why they care so much about shit like this. Taking that into consideration, this is what you can ask them:
You: When’s your birthday?
Sexy Bitch: June 26th.
You: So what’s your sign?
Sexy Bitch: I’m a cancer, why?
You: No way, I don’t believe you!
Sexy Bitch: Yes way, I’m a cancer.
You: I don’t believe you! Let me see your ID.
You: How tall are you?
Sexy Bitch: I’m 5’4, why?
You: No your not!
Sexy Bitch: Yes I am!
You: Okay, let me see your ID I have to see this for myself!
Sexy Bitch: Fine…
Believe it or not, it does work.
Have a ‘small talk’ conversation with her friend.
Girls love talking about their friends, especially if you’re trying to hook up with one of them. Wait for your no name chick to go to the bathroom, get a drink at the bar or if she goes to throw up in a corner somewhere. As soon as she leaves make sure to make small talk to one of her friends (she will have at least one friend not helping her pee or barf) and by small talk I mean to ask that friend a series of questions over and over. If you haven’t heard this already; girl’s love being asked a ton of questions and in return they will talk your ear off. Do this and I’m positive her friend will mention your girl’s (her friend’s) name within the first minute.
Embrace modern day technology.
God gave us iPhones and Facebook for a reason – to help us out when we forget a girl’s name because we are either too wasted or taken back by their hotness to realize that we completely didn’t pay attention to the name they just told us. That being said, it is never a bad idea to ask her for her number a little while after you met her. What are you going to type in after she gives you her number? I admit to having girl’s names in my phone like, ‘Public House Hottie’ and ‘NYC Hot Girl.’ I know I’m not the only guy to do this shit and that’s beside the point. The point is that you shouldn’t have to worry about what name to put in your phone because you are not going to be putting anything in your phone – she will. It’s never a bad idea to tell her to put her phone number into yours just to make sure you don’t mess it up. Tell her to call her number so she has it which she is then forced to type in her name to finish the process. If you want to take the creepier approach just ask her to add you on Facebook. I don’t have an iPhone and I suck when it comes to social media and apps and pictures that people can only see for a few seconds and other shit like that. I just don’t get it, BUT apparently it’s another easy way to find out a chick’s name. Just don’t get too drunk and snap chat a picture of your penis the same night you met her because that’s not cool.
Go through her mail…when she’s not looking.
Here’s the situation:
You met a hottie at the bar and were lucky enough to go home with her. Just like me you can’t take her back to your house because your roommates aka Mom and Dad are sleeping. Although you were able to get by so far without knowing this girl’s name; you’re heading back to her house to leap over some sexual hurtles so knowing her name might be a priority depending on the type of girl she is. If it’s not a priority, give me her name and number and I’ll hit her up ASAP.
The good thing about going to her house is that it’s not like anything you see in the movies. You’re not going to bust down the door, making out like wild rabbits and have hot sex before you even make your way up the stairs. It just doesn’t happen like that. She will probably tell you two things as soon as you enter her humble home (both of which will work in your favor if you’re still trying to figure out her name):
1. “I’m going to get into something more comfortable” OR “I have to use the bathroom and I’ll be right back.”
2. “Make yourself at home.”
Awesome, now the hunt begins. Look on the kitchen table or a coffee table or some place that’s good to put pointless mail and you know what to do from there. If she’s in college she doesn’t get mail so just look for other shit that might have her name on it. Go for her laptop and just touch the mouse and her name might be on the middle of the screen as a login name or something similar. Good luck.
Be honest and own up to it.
Like my mother once told me, “Honesty is the best policy.” Tell her the truth and who knows; she might forgive and forget and still have sex with you.
Guess and pray.