Redditor ChoochiPastol asked the girls of Reddit the following question, “What are some weird things that almost every guy does but they don’t realize?” The ladies did a superb job of highlighting some of the bizarre behavior that gentlemen don’t realize is odd because it’s just what we do. I try my darndest to defend these regular behaviors that for some odd reason are deemed as “weird.”
- “I’m surprised no one has said not washing bed sheets for long periods of time. I know a lot of girls who thinks it’s gross to not wash your sheets every two weeks and a lot of guys who go months without washing them.”
Febreze cleans that shit just fine.
- “Not all guys, but looking in the direction a hot girl is walking before they walk past them. I call it the “I’m not creepy, but strategic” stare. Favorite thing to see while people watching. Will help detect ass men.”
FUCK! You girls know we do that?
- “The pants slap. Whenever they leave the house they slap their pockets to make sure their wallet and phone are there. Every single guy I know does this.”
ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY! Sorry we don’t have a gigantic handbags that could fit a bowling ball, a schnauzer and several severed body body parts to throw all our shit into and then take a peek inside to do an inventory before we leave the house. We have small pockets and it’s a genius routine to get into so that you don’t forget your phone, keys and/or wallet.
- “Not something they don’t realize but like men take SO LONG to poop? I don’t understand. What is going on in there? Do you fall in? Is it like a Narnia situation?”
It’s to get 20 minutes of fucking peace and quiet. The bathroom is a sacred place where women dare not venture and men are protected by a forcefield of shitmist from constant nagging.
- “The weird faces they make when playing video games, especially when they’re like stuck somewhere or rapid firing.”
You ladies don’t understand the stress of having to snipe out some shitty 9-year-old in Call Of Duty because if he kills you he will cockily remind you for the next 47 minutes that he fucked your mom last night.
- “When they burp and then blow.”
What the fuck am I supposed to do? Inhale all that fucking gut microbiota? NEXT!
- “Is it just us guys who immediately turn off the car radio when we realize we’re lost?”
We turn down the radio so we can hear our inner explorer give us instructions. The same manly navigating instincts that enabled Ferdinand Magellan, Hernan Cortes, Francis Drake, Leif Ericson to discover the world.
- “I’ve never met a man who didn’t keep large amounts of change around in his room in some form. Either in a bucket or scattered around the floor. I know a guy who falls asleep on his change and it falls off him in the shower, so the shower is also full of money.”
So we should just throw it away? We’re saving it up to make one huge deposit instead of wasting a trip to deposit $1.79.
- “When guys pull their wallets out of their back pocket while sitting down, they always make a strange, grimacing face while they struggle to get it out. 100% of the time.”
Okay, I’m Team Side Pocket. So I really don’t know why men are putting their wallets in their back pockets, only have to extract the wallet every single time they want to sit down. Don’t say because of pickpockets because it’s just as difficult to steal from your side pocket as your back pocket, and are their really that many pickpocketers in the year 2015?
- “Pulling their shirts over their head by the neck hole to take them off.”
It’s so the shirt doesn’t get yanked inside-out. It’s something called “efficiency.”
- “Sticking your hand down your pants when watching tv. Not to jerk off or anything, but I know so many guys who put their hand just under the waistband of their pants while they’re sitting on the couch.
Do your hands get cold super easily? Are you just compelled to have your hands close to your dick just in case? What is it?”
It’s just comforting. You can’t comprehend the constant attention that a penis requires at every second of the day.