Sooo… Wanna Know Which State Has the Most Chlamydia?

ALASKA. My guess is because there are only so many people there to screw, and since no new people are seaplaning in any time soon, they just chlamydia fuck each other all goddamn day.

This chart comes courtesy of the Washington Post, which detailed the overall well-being of the 50 states, looking at measures ranging from birth weight to average commute.

But back to chlamydia!

What the FUCK is going on on the Arkansas-Mississippi border? Like that’s just gross. Are the guys shooting infected loads across state lines in some sort of insemination competition? And that swath that cuts right through Mississippi? It’s the Chlamydia Belt.

There are some surprises, though. Florida is amazingly not the covered in chlamydia. I expected it to be DRENCHED. Western New Mexico’s got something funky, too. And South Dakota, North Dakota and Montana? I know no one cares about you, but please, wear some god damn condoms.

[H/T @BobbyBigWheel]