Woman Shoots Man Because He Didn’t Cum a Big Enough Load

Meet 58-year-old Sadie Bell from Southfield, Michigan. She shot her sexual partner because she believed that he was cheating on her. She didn’t find some saucy sexts from some slutty thot or hear scandalous gossip at the local beauty parlor. She suspected her man of engaging in extramarital affairs because when he climaxed during sex his ejaculate was less than normal. The minuscule load prompted her to start an argument and assault him. She then went into the bathroom and returned with a Smith & Wesson semi-automatic handgun and shot Edward Lee, 60, in the stomach.

Chief Assistant Prosecutor Paul Walton commented on the sticky situation:

She stated that she knew he was having an affair because he wasn’t producing enough ejaculate. She also said to the police some very graphic things about how she expected him to perform, she was a cheap date, she liked sex, she expected him to be able to do what he’s promised; and she said, in essence, to quote her, ‘She was pissed off, so she shot him.'”

What a roller coaster of emotions for poor Edward, one second he’s having a grand time busting a nut and the next he’s getting shot because he didn’t squirt enough dick milk. Luckily good old Edward survived, but he spent five weeks in the hospital after major surgeries to repair damage to his liver, pancreas, colon and kidney. Meanwhile the splooge Nazi was convicted of assault with intent to do great bodily harm less than murder, plus a felony firearms charge. The court generously granted Bell $10,000 bond and she left prison on Thursday for the incident that occurred on July 28, 2013. This was not Sadie’s first time shooting a lover, in 1991 she was arrested for allegedly shooting her husband. She was not convicted of any crime and her husband refused to testify against her. Out on bail for a mere $10,000 for shooting someone seems like a pretty good deal.

To her defense, Sadie should have been suspicious because she and Edward had been carrying on a 15-year affair since Lee was married to another woman. Lesson learned: don’t go around all willy-nilly with your jizz, even if you are just jerking off because some crazy bitch might shoot you for your lackluster load.