The 2017 Lacrosse All-Name Team Is Here And It’s WASPY Lacrosse Perfection

by 1 year ago


Today, January 4th, is my seven-year employment anniversary here at I’ll never forget the first year in BroBible sausage factory, back in the days of an office that was literally a converted janitorial closet and glory-days bloggers like AG and AZ and Waffles McButter’s endless stories about sexual conquests in the bathroom of Dorians. We wrote about lax, complete with some help from our dear friend Paul Rabil. We wrote about EDM, which barely culturally existed outside frat house basements. We coined and popularized the shit out of the term “chaying,” which is stilled widely used on the reg in many Bro populations around the country. We graded the shit out of porn sites. We got credited by the New York Times for popularizing the Bros Icing Bros trend. We threw parties at Terminal 5 and got raging drunk after-hours with Ted Ginn Jr. We could say “Duke Fuck List” to every Bro in Murray Hill proper and they’d know exactly what we were talking about.

2010 – 2012 were some glorious years to be in the Bro Blogosphere. If you were a reader in that era, know how special this place was as an online community — There were kids asking for advice on how to clean their boat shoes in the forums and we were debuting party playlists every weekend for frats to rage to on the weekends.

The era of Brantford Winstonworth might be in the rear-view mirror, but I’ll be damned if it’s not forgotten.

Fortunately, Inside Lacrosse is keeping one of the finest traditions in lacrosse —  after the BroBible All-Flow Team — alive. Today the All-Name team came out. It’s packed with WASPY gems, include a Bros *actually* blessed with the names Viper,Shackleford, Brickman, and — a personal favorite this year — Dallas Creamer, a junior at Stevens. Second place: Holden Rosen Grupp from Tufts, future owner of  many Boston Whaler boats in post-grad life.

Because this is still BroBible at the end of the day, here is the 2017 Inside Lacrosse all-name team in all its lacrosse glory.


A – Shackleford Stanwick, Jr., Johns Hopkins
A – Keyveat Postell, Fr. Penn
A – Bear Altemus, Sr., Princeton
M – IV Stucker, Jr., Roanoke
M – Brickman House, Sr., Utica
M – Griffin Woodfinlevine, Sr., Montclair State
D – Sky Dupree, Fr., North Greenville
D – Coy Broderick, So., Hanover
D – Braylen Sampson, Jr., Byrant
G – Fitzhugh Lee, So., Air Force

A – Tate Beason, Sr., Florida Tech
A – Blaine Stottlar, Sr., Lees-McRae
A – Robbie Betchley III, Sr., Furman
M – Brewster Warble, Fr., Brown
M – Broderick Vitalie, So., Holy Cross
M – Holden Rosen Grupp, Jr., Tufts
D – Alistair Berven, Sr., Princeton
D – Rich Mix, Jr., Benedictine
D – Stone Sims, Jr., Albany

A – Breanainn McNeally, Sr., RPI
A – Jameson Buttafuoco, Fr., Bryant
A – Declan Swartwood, Fr., St. John’s
M – Cougar Kirby, Fr. Albany
M – Greyson Torain, So., Navy
M – Joseph Joseph, Jr., York
D – Dallas Creamer, Jr., Stevens
D – Conn Curry, Jr., Roanoke
D – Winston Wenham, Jr., Ithaca
G – Viper Scheele, Fr., Bryant


A – Besser Dyson, Sr., Virginia
A – Loring Gearhardt, Jr., Johns Hopkins
A – Posey Valis, Sr., Virginia
M – Cecilia Biagini, Fr., Notre Dame
M – Sinead Brierley, So., St. Joseph’s
M – Harlowe Steele, So., San Diego State
D – Glade Nugent, Sr., USC
D – Hudson Roarick, So., Presbyterian
D – Wyatt Whitley, Sr., Virginia
G – Winnie Brandfield-Harvey, Fr., Princeton

A – Kiwi Comizio, Jr., Yale
A – CeCe Finney, Jr., Johns Hopkins
A – Leighton Yenor, So., Northwestern
M – Barrett Carlson, Fr., Yale
M – Sky Hyatt, R-So., VCU
M – Delaney Muldoon, So., Penn State
D – Tate Green, Fr., Harvard
D – Eliot Schulte, So., Yale
D – Brighton Summers, Sr., Elon
G – Oralee Hespenheide, Jr., Duke

A – Eden Epner, Jr., Johns Hopkins
A – Reagan Newell, So., James Madison
A/M – Sidney Swormstedt, R-Fr., North Carolina
M – Dempsey Arsenault, So., Boston College
M – Savannah Buchanan, Fr., Notre Dame
M – Kennedy Krauss, Jr., Princeton
D – Gigi Packard, Jr., Michigan
D – Gretchen Tarrant, Sr., Yale
D – Palmer Voorhees, Fr., Elon
G – Gussie Johns, Jr., USC

Read more at Inside Lacrosse

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