What And1 Basketball T-Shirt Slogans Might Look Like Today

Speaking of ages 12-17, I, like many of you, spent that time wearing those ridiculous And1 basketball T-shirts. (Actually I think it was a little bit earlier than that, but if you're reading this then there's only a .01% chance you're an internet commenter. So the statistics of you calling me out on that are definitely in my favor.) Point is, those shirts were a staple of late elementary school and early middle school leagues and basketball camps–when everyone, no matter how unathletic or Jewish they may have been, still believed they had a shot at making the school team, or at logging crucial minutes in CYO. 

Following the tried and true “cutting of the sleeves” ritual, the And1 t-shirt wearer went on to attend state schools with big-time athletics, joined fraternities, dated someone they swore they were only going keep it casual with only to end up giving in for 16 whole months, and accrued jobs in the postgraduate sphere that renders them bored enough to read sites like this one. With that in mind, here are 15 And-1 T-shirts for the present day.

(Note that as seen above, the humor in And-1 t-shirts is that they weren't funny at all. We aimed for a relatively similar trajectory here):


I like to call your game Derrick Rose’s Knee.

It’ll Never Be Ready


My jumper’s so wet

It’s the opposite of how girls feel after looking at your online dating profile


Watching you play basketball like picking a movie on Netflix

Too many ways to be disappointed


My game’s like Chris Christie’s weight

It’s been causing a lot of problems


Your Crossover is so weak

It airs at 6pm on the NBC Sports Network


My skill level’s like the amount of pornography watched by 16-34 year-old males

Off the charts!


Your game’s so pathetic today, it’s at an all-time low




People who talk about bands at music festivals

Have more redeeming value than you on a basketball court


Watching you ball is kind of like how I feel after watching most Viral Videos

Borderline suicidal


Your game is like that screenplay you’ll begin working on 9 years from now

It’ll never come together


You playing basketball is like most hashtags



Your game's like those snapchats you always send me

A giant piece of shit


I'll say it–you might actually be as good as Michael Jordan

During his front office career


Your game is like my career prospects once I decided to use my upper-middle class upbringing and encouraging parents as justification to explore “what I’m passionate about”

Pretty much fucked


Get off the court

You hit your growth spurt at age 13, are going to be way too small to be a big man at the varsity level, and weren’t even that good to begin with. At this point, you’re just wasting your parents' money by attending this overpriced basketball camp.


And1 t-shirt pic via