What And1 Basketball T-Shirt Slogans Might Look Like Today
Speaking of ages 12-17, I, like many of you, spent that time wearing those ridiculous And1 basketball T-shirts. (Actually I think it was a little bit earlier than that, but if you're reading this then there's only a .01% chance you're an internet commenter. So the statistics of you calling me out on that are definitely in my favor.) Point is, those shirts were a staple of late elementary school and early middle school leagues and basketball camps–when everyone, no matter how unathletic or Jewish they may have been, still believed they had a shot at making the school team, or at logging crucial minutes in CYO.
Following the tried and true “cutting of the sleeves” ritual, the And1 t-shirt wearer went on to attend state schools with big-time athletics, joined fraternities, dated someone they swore they were only going keep it casual with only to end up giving in for 16 whole months, and accrued jobs in the postgraduate sphere that renders them bored enough to read sites like this one. With that in mind, here are 15 And-1 T-shirts for the present day.
(Note that as seen above, the humor in And-1 t-shirts is that they weren't funny at all. We aimed for a relatively similar trajectory here):
I like to call your game Derrick Rose’s Knee.
It’ll Never Be Ready
My jumper’s so wet
It’s the opposite of how girls feel after looking at your online dating profile
Watching you play basketball like picking a movie on Netflix
Too many ways to be disappointed
My game’s like Chris Christie’s weight
It’s been causing a lot of problems
Your Crossover is so weak
My skill level’s like the amount of pornography watched by 16-34 year-old males
Off the charts!
Your game’s so pathetic today, it’s at an all-time low
People who talk about bands at music festivals
Have more redeeming value than you on a basketball court
Watching you ball is kind of like how I feel after watching most Viral Videos
Your game is like that screenplay you’ll begin working on 9 years from now
It’ll never come together
You playing basketball is like most hashtags
Your game's like those snapchats you always send me
A giant piece of shit
I'll say it–you might actually be as good as Michael Jordan
During his front office career
Your game is like my career prospects once I decided to use my upper-middle class upbringing and encouraging parents as justification to explore “what I’m passionate about”
Pretty much fucked
Get off the court
You hit your growth spurt at age 13, are going to be way too small to be a big man at the varsity level, and weren’t even that good to begin with. At this point, you’re just wasting your parents' money by attending this overpriced basketball camp.