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Last night’s first regular season football game after what seemed like a four year offseason can be compared to junior prom. The hype is astronomical, but at the end of the night, you’re sitting up with blue balls and vomit running down your chin crying into a box of chicken poppers. I mean. What?
Every single year since 2003, the NFL has opened its season with a home game for the defending champs, complete with fireworks, a concert, and a banner ceremony. It’s great fun.
This year, the NFL decided to break the proven concept and open its 100th season with a Bears vs. Packers “rivalry” game, which isn’t really a rivalry seeing as in last 20 meetings, the Bears have won three games.
The Bears first game of the 2019 season went as follows, via The Ringer:
Punt
Field Goal
Punt
Punt
Punt
Punt
Punt
Punt
Turnover on downs
Punt
Interception
Turnover on downs
They lost 10-3. And note how I didn’t say the Packers won 10-3, because they were no Little Giants under Danny O’Shea.
The entire thing blew balls, but at least we got some funny reactions out of it.
I stayed up late… FOR THIS??? #Bears #Packers
— Emmanuel Acho (@EmmanuelAcho) September 6, 2019
Oh wait. I get it now. The Bears and Packers are trying to take football back 100 years. And they are succeeding.
— Tony Massarotti (@TonyMassarotti) September 6, 2019
Tonight’s Packers vs Bears game:
Expectations Reality pic.twitter.com/afspIlcdtE
— BroBible (@BroBible) September 6, 2019
Can't wait for the NFL season to start on Sunday
— SB Nation (@SBNation) September 6, 2019
Bears-Packers https://t.co/5YgiYIbISf
— Complex Sports (@ComplexSports) September 6, 2019
Jimmy Graham scores to beat the Bears 10-3 #GBvsCHI pic.twitter.com/2DWzK2gdYY
— CleWest (@erjmanlasvegas) September 6, 2019
I got on camera to do a review of the Bears/Packers game. Not a very long vid. pic.twitter.com/YDL6QlbB1Z
— BuffLlama (@JayDizzyD) September 6, 2019
The only thing that can save this #GBvsCHI game is the nutjob Bears fan who jumped out of the stands to catch an extra point in 1995. pic.twitter.com/G9EyHElMMt
— Funhouse (@BackAftaThis) September 6, 2019
Looking for more action than the #GBvsCHI game, I just switched to ‘Remains of the Day’ (1993). pic.twitter.com/CrxZ4pbkMF
— DeLuca (@JoeDe_Luca) September 6, 2019
Thanks to the #BearsPackers for reminding me that it’s Garbage night pic.twitter.com/3fSVgFBc3c
— FG LG W 3C (@FGLGW3C) September 6, 2019
Watching #GBvsCHI pic.twitter.com/iVX2yRmnOz
— Danny Saint (@CenterStageDS) September 6, 2019
In darkness, art is born.